CLOSURE...

Giving up is the only path I have left to run. Giving up is the only choice that I can choose. Giving up is no longer a weakness...

But the only friend left to turn to.

I can't go on like this anymore. The pain of it all is too much, too unbearable, too raw. Night after night the longing of you drowns me, to an extent where even my dreams revolve around you; causing me to go mad for your return... that's when it hits me; again and again the knowledge of you never returning crashes into me, digging the memory of how you are gone forever.

The silent tears stream down my face; an endless waterfall tumbling into the pit of my despair. I suddenly realise who those tears belong to. Knowing that it is I who weeps makes me want to shout, screech, scream till I can no longer utter a single word. How pathetic it is for someone like me to cry over and over again even though weeks, months, years have past by. I am beginning to wonder if I will ever survive this pain; if I will ever find the light; if I will ever reach the end.

I always knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel, but now I can't help but wonder if I will ever reach it, if I will be restored with the warmth of light, or will I be forced to live in the cold, despising darkness? I always believed that the strong survive, have the will to move on... but there are times when the strongest of men fall for the higher the climb the further the fall.

And the more painful wounds are inflicted.

I know that wounds can be healed, but sometimes ugly scars are left, keeping you tainted with the memory of that frightful day. And I begin to realise that no amount of kicking, punching, screaming will help the scars fade. No amount of hoping, believing, dreaming can make my wishes come true. Nothing can make me forget, make me better, make me... come back.

I remember when all I did was fight. You always stood by me to heal the wounds, that can never disappear, never exterminate the fighting. Fighting was all there ever was. Fighting was what I did. Fighting is what I needed. Fighting was the only way to protect myself. Fighting, fighting, fighting! Is what destroyed me. I was loyal to you, I cherished you and how do you repay me? By taking the one person I truly loved, so that they never return, never come back, never be... anything at all.

The cutting, stabbing, hearing the slashes against your skin; hearing your screams echoing through me, by me, obliterating any other sound. It should have been me. I was unable to protect you. Instead of me... it was you. You are the one who always protected me. You are the one who always loved me, cared for me, cherished me. You are the only one who I ever trusted. You are the only one... I can't live without.

I still remember you on that single day as if it happened mere seconds ago. I still remember the way your eyes looked up to see the one who abandoned you, although you believed with all your heart that this person is the only one to trust, to believe in, the only one you could count on. I still remember how for the last couple of seconds your eyes that were always filled with love and adoration, changed into disgust and revulsion... how your last breath was to whisper 3 single words that sent me spiralling into a pit of sorrow.

I hate you.

That's what the only person I truly loved said to... me. I said before how the blame is all on me because I abandoned you, deserted you when you needed me the most. And I know for certain that if I returned only minutes before, then I would have been able to save you.

But I didn't and that is why you have fallen into his dark, agonizing trap. You have been unable to return from his grip as it holds you too tightly that you are unable to break out, to run away, to escape. Now he has you forever. And I am the one at fault.

For you, I will never break free of this excruciating pain. For you, I will never surrender to the will to survive. For you, I will always keep that day with me. For you, I will always remember. Remember our love for each other and how carelessly I gave it away to him... to the darkness...

To Death.