the truth is;
i know you love me, and i know i mean so much to you, but it kills me that you settle for me. i'm not as great as you seem to think i am. i can't be there for you the same as you are for me. for five years you've been nothing but perfect and i've only let you down. i miss you, i miss my practical sister. and i know we'll never be the same. and it's all my fault. you need to know that i think about it all the time, i say i don't have any regets because every mistake has lead me to where i am now, but i know the day you slip away will be the biggest regret of my life. i didn't mean for this to happen, and i didn't mean for it to turn out like this. you're still here when i'm not and i've become everything i hated.
i hate myself for not being there when you've needed it most.
i know you deserve better, i'm just waiting for you to work that out too. i'm dreading the day you realise it, because i think you'll hate me.
i know i've let you and everyone else down, i know i'll probably never be forgiven and i can't give you the memories of us that you would like to have.
i'm torn between two worlds; one with a family and all the things i've never had, and one with you.
i wish this was easy, and sometimes i wish you'd hate me, so maybe you could move on and have real friendships, the ones you deserve.
you're everything i need but nothing i deserve.
