Pace My Heart (A sequel to *Happy To Meet You*)

Chapter-15

"He has asked for me to scrub in?"

I was questioning Owen on the phone not actually believing that Dr.Daniel had asked for me to assist him. After the last incident when he told me to leave his O.R, I had not attended any major surgery. I had been avoiding scrubbing in for any of them thinking that he didn't want me in his O.R. But today it seems that he had specifically asked for me. There were only few days left till the end of my neurosurgery rotation.

"Ava, don't worry. You will be fine. But you have to hurry. He is waiting for you."

Owen reassured me before I hanged up the phone.

Am I ready? I questioned myself. Things have changed and I wasn't intimidated by him anymore. I had become comfortable with him. And after the talk I had with Mandy, I had began to see him in a different light. But there was a slight hesistation and I was a bit apprehensive. Deep down inside there was still a fear lurking somewhere. I was worried if things will be repeatd like what had happened last time in the O.R.

Owen was right. He was waiting for me just like he said in the anaesthetic room. He still hadn't scrubbed in yet. The patient had already been transferred to the O.R. I quickly went inside. He looks so calm and composed. I thought, watching him.

"Dr.Daniel, I don't know if I am ready..."

I told him truthfully. It was the right thing to let him know, I told myself.

"I knew that you will feel that way. Thats why I was waiting to have few words with you."

He replied watching me like he knew exactly what I was going through now. Hearing that, I wondered what he wanted to say to me.

Both of us were standing quietly in front of the O.R. He spoke and I listened.

"Before you enter this room, you have to leave behind all your worries, emotions and apprehension. Its a huge responsibility knowing that a patient's life may be in your hands. You will come across many make and break situations. As a surgeon, you will be tested time and again. Sometimes you will have to make quick decisions and judgements. That will come with experience and you have to rely on your instincts. But one thing you will always have to remember is that someone has place the faith in you and you have to give more than your best to keep that faith. For a successful surgery, its a collective team work. Everyone has to pitch in and make it work. We have to learn to trust each other and work together. I know you are ready...Trust me, Ava. I trust you."

Saying that he looked at me. I didn't know what to reply.

Taking a deep breath, I simply nodded my head to let him know that I had listened to each and every word of his carefully and I was ready.

Inside the O.R, the whole team was preparing for the surgery. The scrub nurses were meticulously counting the swabs, instruments and needles prior to the procedure. The anaesthesist team were monitoring the vital signs, the endotracheal tube inserted in the patient's airway. Owen had already scrubbed in and was waiting for us.

Like last time, it was also a spine case but this time it was of a primary spinal tumor causing pressure on the spinal cord, preventing its normal function and leading if untreated to paralysis. A spinal primary tumor is rarer than secondary spinal tumor where the foci of cancer tissue is elsewhere in the body and spreads to the spine. Surgical removal of the tumor in this case can be a potential cure for the cancer.

After approaching the spine through the incision in the back overlying the site of tumor, muscles were retracted to allow clear visualization of the spinal bones. A portion of bone was then carefully removed to expose the dura matter, a lining of the spinal cord. Opening it, we were able to gain access to the spinal cord and the tumor.

Using an operating microscope, Dr. Daniel started removing the tumor tissues carefully so as not to damage the normal spinal cord as much as possible. This painstacking process takes many hours. The surgery had started at 9:00 in the morning and we were already five hours into the surgery.

There was a chance for me to do a changeover with another resident but I insisted on staying. During the whole surgery, his words stayed with me. There was a strange drive in me and I felt confident for the first time. He trusted me. I kept reminding myself throughout. More than proving myself, I was more determined in proving to him that he was not wrong in believing in me.

The tumor was finally removed, the tissues sutured back together and the bones replaced.

The whole surgery lasted more than 9 hours. Instead of exhaustion there was an exhilarating feeling of being able to firmly stand my ground without wavering.

"Hey girl, there is something I have to show you."

Owen came up to me grinning after washing up. He pointed to the observation gallery above the O.R from where the surgery can be viewed by other staffs as well. I could see Amit, Stacy and few of my friends waving their hands at me.

"Everyone has been stopping by and watching you after they heard that you had scrubbed in."

Owen was smiling warmly at me as I watched them feeling overwhelmed.

Today had been a personal milestone for me. I was able to get pass a hurdle that had been helding me back. I had finally overcome a personal obstacle and another man had helped me in my own battle with the ghosts of my past. I thought silently watching him personally thanked the anaesthesist team, the scrub nurses and every other staffs that were instrumental in making the surgery today successful.

"Thank you...thank you, Dr Daniel."

I told him sincerely when he came up towards us. I only had sense of gratitude and respect for him now. The misgivings towards him had disappeared. All these while, he had been looking out for me and preparing me without my knowledge. I really had misjudged him.

He didn't reply back. He just held out his hand as I shake hands with him and he smiled.

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A/N

One more chapter to upload tonight.Thank you :))