Last Chance

One and a half years have passed since my death.

Everyone has already moved on.

Everyone except Michel.

Yanna, Michel's youngest sister, had tried a thousand times to talk to her -- to make her forget and continue with her life. Pero matigas ang ulo ni Michel: she persistently stared at nothingness, cried her heart out every night, and talked to no one but my pictures, pretending I was still there.

Every 27th of the month, pumupunta siya sa libingan ko. And she would stay there for hours... and hours. Wala siyang ibang ginawa kundi tingnan lang ang pangalan ko sa lapida. Kung hindi pa siya sunduin ni Tito Robert o ni Mark, hindi pa siya aalis doon.

On my death anniversary, Carla, Michel's best friend, was fed up. She threw everything that reminded Michel of me -- pictures, videos, letters, stuffed toys, the book I gave her on her 18th birthday... everything... as well as her engagement and wedding rings. All the years of remembrance of what we had before, of what we were before...

Michel became hysterical... Pilit niyang binawi lahat ng naitapon, and even attacked her own best friend. Everyone didn't know what to do with her anymore. They were already thinking of bringing her to a psychiatrist. She's been kicked out of her job, declining to eat once again and...

Tonight, she did what I was dreading for her to do...

Taking her own life away.

Alone in her room, she held a number of pills on her hand, tears pouring down her face but with determined eyes.

"Jed... I'm sorry," she choked. "I know you don't want me to do this. Pero hindi ko na kaya. 'Ang sakit... Hindi ko na kaya," she repeated.

And  by that, she put the pills in her mouth... Sending her to peaceful sleep. A sleep she may never be awoken...

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It was my fault. 

I must do something to change what she has done.

And here I am, standing in front of God, trying to convince Him of my proposition.

"Panginoon, nakikiusap po ako... Hayaan niyo po akong bumalik sa lupa nang mailigtas ko si Michel. Kasalanan ko po kung bakit nagawa niya iyon."

"Anak," sagot Niya, "Hindi lahat ng desisyon ni Michel ay nakapalibot lamang sa iyo. Sarili niyang kagagawan iyon, at wala ka ng magagawa."

"Pero, Ama," pilit ko. "Isang pagkakataon lang po..."

Nag-isip ang Panginoon. At hindi nagtagal, pumayag din Siya.

"Joshua, isa lamang ang ipapaalala ko sa iyo. Huling pagkakataon mo na ito. At may kundisyon ako."

"Ano po iyon?"

"Hindi mababago ang oras at araw nang mamatay ka."

Then I was sent into oblivion. 

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Today is June 27, 1999.

The day Michel and I first met, 13 years before my death.

I'm standing in front of my new neighbor's house: the Diez family. Bumaba sa sasakyan si Tito Robert, years younger from the last time I saw him. Sumunod na rin ang iba sa pamilya, na pinapangunahan ni Michel.

My heart pounded violently. Matagal kong hindi naramdaman ito. 

I realized I missed her so much.

I watched her fool around her younger sisters. She threw Jeane's doll and laugh at her heart's content. Napangiti ako sa kanya. Simula pa lang talaga, may playful side na si Michel...

She turned her eyes to my direction and we found ourselves locked with each other's gaze.

And she gave me the sweetest smile I will forever cherish.

Lumapit siya sa akin. "Hi! I'm Michel..."

I know, I thought. "Jed."

She took my hand and shook it vigorously... As playful as ever.

Bakit nga ba bumalik pa ako sa oras na ito? Kung mamamatay rin lang naman ako thirteen years later, ano pang dahilan ko para balikan ang nakaraan? Ano pang magagawa ko para masalba si Michel  years after this day?

Dumating si Mark in his hip-hop get up. Inakbayan niya ako at nakipag-kilala kay Michel.

Oo nga pala... Pareho naming minahal si Michel. Pero dahil sa takbo ng pagkakataon, ako ang napili ni Michel...

And a decision struck me. Alam ko na ang dapat kong gawin.