Okay I feel really terrible uploading this little... well I can't even call it a chapter. But I was determined to upload tonight and I really have to get off the computer. So I'm sorry I'm making you all read this.
This is a filler chapter.
As I was laying on the soft, plump bed all I could feel was emptiness… darkness. I felt alone even though I was always accompanied by either Zayn or Harry. Right now, Zayn was sitting on his and Haz’s bed, watching me like a hawk. I hated the fact that they were babying me… always following me around everywhere like I was some kind of nuclear bomb that was sure to explode if ever left unattended. It enfuriated me so much! I couldn’t even take a shower without one of them sitting in the bathroom waiting for me to finish. I wasn’t going to do anything…
I knew Louis was lying to me. He didn’t sleep with Eleanor that night… he only kissed her. There was no possible way he could’ve had sex with her so quickly. And the little twitch in his left eye showed me he was lying. Everytime he lied, no matter how big or small, that same twitch would appear, giving him away instantly. What I didn’t understand was why he would lie like that to me. Doesn’t he love me anymore? Maybe it was easier for him to make that up than to come and tell me he regretted ever being with me. Yup, that’s it Liam… he doesn’t love you. Maybe he found someone new? Or maybe he got back with Harry. No Haz wouldn’t do that to Zayn… he truly loves him… it’s not like it was with Louis. This is true love.
Okay so maybe Louis fell for Eleanor… I don’t think he lied to me about being in love with me… maybe he just fell out of love. Or realized he was wrong. I don’t blame him though, I’m a mess. Nobody in a good state of mind would even bother being with someone like me. I’m too broken to function. I doubt everything about myself and others. There’s no fixing me.
I know I’ve said this a million times but Louis deserves so much better. He’s so amazing… so perfect. And all I’m doing is messing him up. I mean, sure, he could get pretty mean, especially with Niall, but every rose has it’s thorn right?
I suddenly felt a hand on mind, snapping me out of my thoughts instantly. I looked up to meet deep hazel eyes.
“Stop it Liam. You’re going to make them bleed.” Zayn ordered firmly. I looked at him in confusion before looking at my hand, realizing I had been scratching at my recent cuts until they were red and re-opened. Zayn’s voice rung out again. “I know what you’re thinking Li… Louis really does love you.”
I looked down, muttering a “Yea…” before turning to look at the wall, my back towards Zayn. I heard him sigh and his footsteps lead back to his own bed. I slowly closed my eyes, letting sleep take over me.
I looked around Liam’s flat, completely confused and lost as to where to begin. If I were him and I cut on a daily basis… where would I hide my razor? Does he have more than one? Maybe I should check every inch of the flat… just to be sure. First, his bedroom. I bet he keeps one there. Zayn told me that people who selfharm usually keep their razors in the bathroom and in their night tables.
After emptying the night table, I only found one. The same process was done throughout the whole apartment. Finding a total of 9 different razors, pieces of glass or pocket knifes, my search was finally complete. As I was dumping them into the trashcan, one of the pieces of glass slashed my palm, instantly drawing blood. The stinging was unbearable and I couldn’t imagine ever making myself feel like this on purpose. How could Liam do this all the time? Mutilating his skin to feel this horrid stinging sensation on purpose. And not to mention the red substance slowly seeping out of the injury. It’s colour so intense and intimidating. It made me feel dizzy just thinking about it as I walked over to the sink to rinse the sticky blood from my palm. An eery shiver ran down my spine as I began thinking about how many of our fans felt like this was their only option. No, scratch that. How many people in the world recurred to this… how many people were sucked into its aluring cycle. I have the power to do something about it now and do something about it I shall. So many people’s lives could be saved. I have the resources to reach out to these people who are in need. I can do this… along side of the boys.
|Louis Tomlinson||as Himself|
|Liam Payne||as Himself|
|Niall Horan||as Himself|
|Zayn Malik||as Himself|
|Harry Styles||as Himself|
|Simon Cowell||as Himself|