What im feeling right now is hard to put into to words
it feels as if im drowning
and i cant stop frowning
My stomache churns with all of these thoughts inside my head
My heart races knowing i'll never be the best
my eyes tear up because i'll never be at rest
I'm in this spot yet again
feeling stressed
and depressed
I'm banging on hard walls
trying to break free of these evil thoughts
I look in the mirrror and all of these emotions begin to choke me
I don't know what to do or where to go
I'll never be like the rest
I'll never be happy again,
But I'm not done,
I have over thousands of flaws
that make me despise my self.
I'm too clumsy
I'm too tall
My hairs all messy
I'm fat and disgusting
I'm repulsive
and destructive
The only good thing is that I hide me feelings well
I wear my mask everyday
pretty soon it will melt away
I don't know how long I can keep this up
because my feeling are running amuck.
I hate how when I think I look ok
and think it's going to be ok
Then the memories have to sneak up on me
and remind me everyday
That I'm just a disgrace
waiting to be thrown away.
Why can't my life be easier?
Why can't I just fly away?
Why can't I just be happy?
And try to forget the meanful things they say.
I can't help but feel broken.
It feels as if I've been ripped in two
and that half of my heart has gone so soon
I spill out all my thoughts to you
and try to explain how I'm feeling
into words that I can't bear
Perfect is an ugly word
but it's all I try to live up too
The sad thing is,
I'll never be up to the standards and never be loved by any of you
I have some friends that make me happy
They are like a rope
that I hold onto,
but any moment they can chose to break
or I can chose to let go and fall.
I'm already drowning within myself
with anchors tied to my feet
dragging me underneath the sea
and I can hardly breathe.
Will I ever be free and able to speak my mind?
Will I ever feel alright?
Will these dreadful thoughts and doubts ever leave me?
I guess we will have to wait and see,
but until then I'll be waiting out at sea.
