You never know what it’s like to be cheated on until it actually happens. The after-math of the pain, and knowing that everything he ever said to you was a complete and idiotic lie. It hurts more than you could ever know. It’s not the fact that he did it that upsets me the most; it’s the fact that he would give me an excuse after excuse on why he did it. “It was something I had to do...” He would say. Then afterwards, he would play it off as if I was the ***hole. Excuse me sir, but I wasn’t the one that flew to Florida to be with a b**ch that never really cared.
The first day I met you was one I will never forget. People like you don’t come along too often. We talked for a while, talked about who we were as a person, and shared some stories about our lives. We just talked and didn’t care about what time we went to sleep. Every word you said still rings in my head until this day. I’d never let anything you said go in one ear and out the other. With you that was impossible.
You had a pretty rough life. Not knowing your father, losing your best friend a few years back, being depressed randomly enough to where you would break down and cry. The times when you were upset, no matter what time it was, three, four, five o’clock in the morning, I would call you just to hear why you were upset and what was going on. Want to know why I did this? I cared. Something your little friend Jessica knew nothing about.
Sometimes, I just wish you would know some of the things I thought about after December. The month my world crumbled. New Years Eve was the worst. While everyone was downstairs, enjoying food, music, family company, I stayed in my room away from everyone. I knew that you were out being happy, and out of all honesty, that’s what made me depressed. Knowing you were happy with someone else.
Other times, when the whole situation happening with my parents saying we weren’t allowed to talk, we perhaps could have been stronger with it not happening. Maybe then we could have been inseparable. It sucks hearing songs, reminding me of when there was such thing as an “us.” In mid song, while I was singing, I would cry and not stop until every tear I had built up would shed.
Like you’ve said before, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. I’ve realized this considering the fact that after you left, I had nothing left to live for. I had nothing left to wake up and look forward to each and every day. This is a quote I’ll always live by. One of the more true quotes according to our “relationship.” Not that I’d call it that. After all, you only visited me once, right?
Something about you keeps pushing me closer and closer towards you again. I don’t know if I should keep thinking I should take this chance and risk being emotionally hurt like I once was, or if I should take a chance and try to make amends and make the best out of a tricky situation. Could it be your personality driving me crazy? The way your voice sounds when we talk until early in the morning? The way your eyes glimmer with curiosity when you see me? Who knows? All I know is that you showed me a lot these past seven months. You’ve showed me how to cry, hate, and truly fall in love with someone.
Thank you for making me realize now what I want. Without you, I would have never been the stronger person I am today. Without the tears, the songs, the remembrance of what used to be, I never would have found myself. I know at times you think it's hard to go on throughout your day because of something little that strikes your mind, I get it. I understand that the world is not always easy and that everything doesn't go our way. But, for once in my life, I am truly happy.
You mean everything to me. Whether you know it or not, I want this to last forever. The fact that I can wake up, not fake a smile for once in my life, and go throughout my day knowing that by the end of the night I can spend hours upon hours talking to you. It's worth every bit of effort and time. You are my life. You are my soul. You are the one I am willing to fight for.