Roxanne and I

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***As a note before you read this, Roxanne is my name. This was inspired by Jorge Luis Borges' piece, "Borges and I." Here's the URL to it if you want to read it:

http://www.sccs.swarthmore.edu/users/00/pwillen1/lit/borg&i.htm

I wrote this about my OCD and my association with it. Thanks for reading :)**


Roxanne and I

Roxanne is the one

that needs the world classified by rules.

I watch her put everything in her mental boxes

so she understands it,

so she stops being afraid of it.

She keeps me from sleeping at night

until everything in the room is its proper place.

She tells me I have to stop to make sure her wallet is organized

by value,

then by number code;

or that she won’t let me leave a single mark on something

and makes me spend hours cleaning it

to make it perfect.

I am forced to stand by and view

just how much her need for order

takes over my life.

I know her by her obsessive determination

to give every aspect of my existence a system

that she can follow and conquer.

Roxanne has her laws of nature,

and everything must follow them.

I see her

and I think she owns me.

All my emotions and wants have to fit to her logic,

or she will make me afraid

that the world will become chaos.

All of her fears

of change,

of the abstract,

of something she cannot control

become my terror.

She refuses to let go of anything,

especially me,

so I every day I cannot live without having to think about living.

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