Lexi The Relationship Guru

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Lexi The Relationship Guru

"Honey, I'm home!"

The sound of Josh's voice at stupid o'clock in the morning roused me from my sleep.

Groaning, I rolled over and buried my head underneath Blake's heavy arm, which was resting on my pillow, hoping that maybe the ostriches were on to something and Josh would just go away.

When Blake had lent Josh his set of house keys for some reason or another a couple of months ago, neither one of us had been expecting for him to make a copy of it to keep for himself.

The first time he'd let himself in, we'd been cuddled on the couch watching a movie, much to Josh's disappointment since he was hoping to catch us in the act.

Blake had taken the keys away from him but he just produced another one, and then another when we took those from him too.

In the end, we'd just given up and let him be. Knowing Josh, he'd get bored of randomly popping in soon enough and leave us in peace.

This morning, Blake was, surprisingly, asleep next to me. I smirked as I eyed him sleeping peacefully. I suppose our vigorous activities the night before must have tired him out.

Not wanting Josh's ridiculously obnoxious and overbearingly loud personality to wake him -because let's face it, the poor boy needed every ounce of sleep he could manage to get- I pecked Blake softly on the forehead and reluctantly got out of bed, picking his t-shirt up off the floor and slipping it on.

Stretching as I made my way out of the room, I almost bumped into Josh who was balancing three to-go cups of steaming coffee in his hands and was dangling a bag of what looked like doughnuts from his mouth.

"Did she kick you out again?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I reached out to grab one of the cups before they all went tumbling, and the bag from his mouth.

"Of course not. I decided to stop by and get some sex tips from you and Blakey so that Daph and I can keep things fresh," he deadpanned.

"What do you think? Of course she kicked me out!" exasperatedly, he threw his arms up in the air and sloshed coffee onto the floor much to my dismay.

I choose to ignore what he had said about sex tips because I knew for a fact that Josh and Daph's sex life definitely did not need any further spicing up and the doctors at the nearest ER could definitely vouch for me.

This was clearly evident from the number of times we'd had to rush Josh to the hospital only to find out that he had -or rather, Daph had- fractured his penis. We'd even had to bring Daph in once when they'd accidentally used a deep heat rub instead of lube and she wouldn't stop screaming from the burning sensation.

"What did you do to piss her off this time?" I asked, leading the way to the kitchen, the furthest away from the bedroom where Blake was sleeping.

With Josh in our apartment though, it wasn't quite far enough. The boy was damned loud!

"What makes you think I did something? What if it was her? I mean, she knows she's not supposed to use her B.O.B., Bob, without me but I swear she still does. I'll catch her in the act someday, I swear it," Josh rattled on, completely disregarding my question.

I couldn't help but think that he was purposely avoiding telling me what had actually happened. Knowing the two of them, it was probably something so stupid it wouldn't even make sense to argue about it.

The last time Josh had needed a place to crash, it was because Daphne had heard him singing a Rolling Stones hit in the shower. She had kicked him out quicker than he could finish singing 'I can't get no satisfaction'.

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