I missed him. I missed his apple juice. I almost, not quite, considered Rayver as that kid in Gensan. I really missed him. That kid. I even called Rayver once as kid but it didn't matter to him. I tried to buy myself apple juice but it's just different. Something inside me said that apple juice was not enough. A aprt of me said I need him. I even tried different flavor but it didn't seem to fit me.
"Ano ba Sarah ! Nababaliw ka na !" I said to myself. eh kasi naman ! I wasn't used to missing someone intensely.
It's been three weeks. Three looooong weeks since he left. Been three weeks since i started buying myself apple juice.
"Sarah !! One week na lang ! May magbibigay na ng apple juice mo" I said to my-very-excited-self.
One week had slowly passed and Rayver and his group had arrived. We met at a restaurant and he bought me several packs of apple juice.
"This is too much. Andami naman nito" I told him.
"These taste very great. I'm sure you'll like it" he said with a big, wide smile.
I was very very very very shocked when he handed me a heart-shaped stone a little larger then what i had.
"Here. I found this in Hawaii. This is for you. This could be your lucky charm" I couldn't hide my surprise and happiness that I hugged him very tight. That day I realized that he's the kid. The kid that gave me what he only had. The kid that cared for me back in time. The kid that i'll be needing for the rest of my life. I hugged him very very tight and whispered:
"YES RAY!"
"What do you mean? You mean--"
"Yes"
That day, he secretly became my boyfriend. My first boyfriend. We continued sending text messages and this time, sweet ones. Phone and email were the only means of communication we had. We had been in this setting for three months until one day, I just thought of asking him.
"Ray, have you been to Gensan ?"
"Gensan ? Yes, we've done our shows there. Why?"
"No, I mean when you were a kid, like 6 or 7?"
"uhmm. I don't think so. We were in Olongapo that time. Why?"
"No.. It's just nothing. Was your father in US when you were a kid?"
"My father ? 3 years old pa lang ako when he left us. Bakit ba ?"
"Owww. I see. Wala naman."
From that day of our conversation, i'vce been very hopeless. Teary-Eyed, I faced the mirror and said:
"Sarah, mali ka na naman ! Ngayon, may masasaktan ka !! Mali !! Mali !! Mali !!" then tears began to fall faster leaving my eyes red and swollen. After that, we'd been very very cold to each other. He seemed to notice my problem but he didn't mind to ask me. We hardly talked. I guessed I was doing him a very big favor because one day, nabalitaan ko na lang that he'd been doing great with Christine.
There, I had it. The realization that it's not Rayver that i needed. It's still the kid. but then, who's the KID?
