“How did you find me?” I demanded as I was trying to wipe my tears before he noticed. “You had no write to watch that dance! Its not done yet and I cant finish it yet either.” I screamed through the tears.
“Alexa, what is going on, there is something you aren’t telling me.” Kyle asked with concern in his voice.
Damn it. He knows me to well and knows I can’t keep anything from him. I had done so well this summer and kept all the doctor visits and all the tests they were running from him. One thing I didn’t need right now was people feeling sorry for me. “I don’t want to talk about it, Kyle, it doesn’t even matter anyways.”
In one quick motion I had grabbed my stuff and was heading towards the door when he grabbed me. I looked up at him and the tears started flowing again. He just stood there holding me like a big brother would until I stopped crying.
My brain was going a million miles a minute with so many different thoughts I was having a mental battle with myself. Talking about it would only make it more real I thought. Kyle is my best friend though he should know, was what part of me was saying while the other part insisted that he would only feel bad for me. “I can’t tell you Kyle, I just cant. I don’t want you to treat me differently.” I said trying to fight back the tears.
“Alexa, listen to me. I would never treat you differently unless you wanted me to. I just care about you and want to know what could possibly be doing this to you.” Kyle insisted.
“I can’t answer that question Kyle.” I sobbed
“Why not?” asked Kyle
“Because I don’t even know the answer to that question yet!” I yelled.
I couldn’t face him right now so I just took off. Running as fast as I could I made it back to my room and locked the door. How was I supposed to tell my best friend that I was sick and the doctors didn’t know why I was sick or what was causing it. That I had to have a brain scan, that they had taken more blood then I cared to talk about. Or that I don’t even know if they can treat whatever it is that I have. How can someone expect me to talk about something I haven’t even full processed yet? What do they want from me? There is only so much one person can handle at once.
What else am I supposed to do? No matter where I go someone finds me and I really just need to be alone and dance and process. I kept running until I made it back to my room. I locked the door to my room and blasted my music. Curling up in a ball on my bed I just began to cry.