Dedicated to my apparently long lost twin, haha. Thanks for the endless supprt! =D
I. Was. A. Coward.
I can't believe I just did that.
I mean who the hell does that?
Apparently an idiot like me.
Wanna know what I did?
I ran away. When I saw his eyes wide open, I panicked... and I ran. He didn't push me away when he realized what had happened, nor did he look disgusted. Then why? Why, oh why, did I freaking run?!
It's been an hour now that I've been sitting in my room, away from Jayden, curled up on my bed, head to toe in my blanket. Over-analyzing everything.
This is exactly what Sarah meant when she said I was acting like a kid, I mean I should've just waited to see his reaction or just talked it out but no, what do I do? I run away like a scared little girl. Peeking my head out, I slap myself twice.
''You're an idiot, Riley Jean Pearce Andrews!'' I muttered to myself and I sunk down on the mattress. I let out a bittersweet laugh when I said my name out loud.
Andrews huh? I bet he hates me right now. He might not have, if I'd stayed. I could've made up some silly excuse... as to why my lips were touching his? Even in my mind, that sounded stupid but whatever! Bottom line is I shouldn't have run... but I was just too scared.
I wasn't this panicked even when I found out I was fucking married! But no, I kiss Jay and it's all too tough for me, and I have to run. It's not like I've never kissed guys. On the contrary, I've kissed so many guys, its crazy but with Jay... it was just different. It meant more. It meant something different.
But I have to go and ruin that too.
I should sleep. Maybe when I wake up, everything will be magically alright and I might just find that that was all just a stupid dream? Yeah, yeah, sleep is my new best friend and I need it right now. Desperately.
I leaned over and switched my lamp off, closing my eyes tightly, as I willed myself to escape into my sub-consciousness.
No such luck.
I tossed and turned for hours, and forced my mind to go blank as I tried to get some sleep.
''Dammit! I have school tomorrow! And it's w-what...?'' I mumbled as I searched for my phone- to check the time - which I can never find on times like this. I got out of my bed, and looked around, shuffling round and throwing things around.
I stopped suddenly, and froze.
Why me? Did someone get a kick out of my pain and suffering? I left my freaking phone in Jay's room! I must have dropped it in my haste to get out of that room. I slapped my forehead hard, and a blaring pain started up. I stared up to the ceiling of the room.
''Do you enjoy my pain?'' I exclaimed to no-one as laughter bubbled inside me and a giggle escaped. Great! Now I was going mad as well.
Like I didn't have enough problems.
''I'm losing it,'' I said in between giggles. I needed to talk to someone right now. Vent to, I guess.
But who? Kat would either be passed out or still having a great time with Sam and I didn't wanna ruin that for her, so no, cross Kat out. Who else? Cole? Nah, he'd just laugh at me and crack jokes... not to mention go all protective on me and threaten to kick Jay's ass. Nope, definitely don't need that.
Who else? Who already knew of my situation?
It was then that I actually came to realize... I honestly didn't have many friends.
Sure I knew people. People who are good for a quick chat, people good to party with, people good to help you out in tough spot... but not many friends who'd have my back no matter what. Who wouldn't judge me and someone I could just pour my heart out to without fearing it leaking out to everyone.
And that's when a traitor tear fell down the side of my face and landed on the covers. I swiped roughly at my cheek, furious for letting even a single tear escape.
No, I never cried. I mean I hadn't cried in almost 10 years, and I really didn't wanna start now. What was the big deal anyway? So I kissed Jay? So I ran away? It wasn't something to cry over, god dammit! My hormones seem out of whack tonight. They're on a crazy rollercoaster ride and we've just hit a loop.