1 Month Later

It was our first concert since she passed. We were performing an outdoor concert. The sun had set hours ago, leaving a perfectly clear night sky in its wake. We were almost done with our set and I could feel the nerves start to get to me. “Tonight we’ve got something special for you all” Harry says which is met by a roar of applause. When it’s quieted down, he says “We’ve got a new song, written by our very own Nialler here” he says putting a hand on my back.

“This song is dedicated to a very special person. Rachel, you changed my life. I’ll never forget you” I say as the music started. This was it. We had decided before the concert that I’d sing the song myself for tonight. On the album it would be all of us, but for right now, this was just me, performing for her. The lights dim, a spotlight on me and I hear the music start. I open my mouth, my hand sliding into my pocket and grabbing hold of the four-leaf clover charm I had given her as I look up at the sky.

Shut the door

Turn the light off

I wanna be with you

I wanna feel your love

I wanna lay beside you

I cannot hide this

Even though I try

Heart beats harder

Time escapes me

Trembling hands

Touch skin

It makes this harder

And the tears stream down my face

I feel something wet on my cheek and wipe my face realizing I started to cry. Her face flashing through my mind. The lads all come and stand around me, putting a hand on my shoulder to lend me the strength to continue.

If we could only have this life

For one more day

If we could only turn back time

My voice cracks on the last verse and I realize I’m beginning to shake. The next thing I know, the other boys are all singing with me, helping me to get through it.

You know I’ll be

Your life

Your voice

Your reason to be

My love

My heart

Is breathing for this


In time

I’ll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

Close the door

Throw the key

Don’t wanna be reminded

Don’t wanna be seen

Don’t wanna be without you

My judgments clouded

Like tonight's sky

I take a shaky breath, trying to regain my composure as I remember the night it had rained. Our first kiss.

Hands are silent

Voice is numb

Try to scream out my lungs

It makes this harder