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My Life as a High School Stripper

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"No, Mom, seriously, you don't have to."

"Sweetie, you know I am whether you like it or not."

I sighed. Well, ever since Mom returned to her sane self, she was all about my life. She decided to become principal, 'cause you know, it's so easy to become a principal when you have no college experience or anything. Not. Then she was insisting on becoming the cheer leading coach.

"But we don't need a cheer leading coach," I told her.

She turned to me. "You're going to deal with me, Sweetheart, whether you like it or not."

I frowned and sat on the couch. "Fine."

"That's better." She went into the kitchen and started to cook up supper.

It was only a matter of time until she told me I couldn't be a stripper. I loved being a stripper. It was fun and I loved my friends. I made lots of money. I could dance. What more could I want (other than Caesar)? I went into the kitchen and watched her cook. Don't get me wrong. I love seeing my mother be a mother.

"Mom?" I asked, as I sat at the table while she cooked something weird.

"Yes?" she replied, not turning around.

"Well...I really enjoy being a stripper."

She didn't turn around or say anything.

"I mean, I don't actually strip - like, at all really. I enjoy dancing and I have a lot of friends, too. It's not as skeezy as you might think it is. It's actually pretty high class. So, you know...don't make me quit doing it. Please?"

She sighed. "Fine. Even if I told you 'no,' you'd probably keep doing it."

I smiled. "Thanks Mommy."

We had a game the next day. Despite how annoying my mother was, she knew what she was doing when she coached us. Everyone was pretty excited to see Mom back in action. She looked fucking amazing. I take after her a lot, with the pale skin and black hair, but her hair is always perfect. It's simple, short, and wavy and she never does anything with it, which makes me jealous. She has very dark eyes, and they're not brown-that-looks-black but they actually look like a dark grey. She's short, too, and since my dad was super tall, they were so creepily adorable when they went on their raids together.

Anyway, I'd occasionally go slightly mad and see things that weren't there at games. It was mostly with people. Dad would be there. Caesar would be there. Then random people I've never seen would be there, and I'd know that they weren't actually there though because I'd point them out and no one else would see them. They were quite bizarre looking. I'd see three boys and three girls typically. They wouldn't look the same, and yet they each had something peculiar about them that made them similar. One boy was tall and pale with this very bizarre grey-black colored hair, but he'd be my age and so the hair was off-setting. He had pale skin and green eyes that were very similar to Caesar. In fact, he kind of looked a lot like Caesar. There was also a girl who was quite petite and she had this incredibly long, long black hair. Her eyes were an ice blue and she looked like a little minx. They all looked a like, either very short or very tall with black hair, pale skin, and either blue or green eyes.

"I think I see my children," I said to Mom after the game.

"Yeah, I saw you a few times before I had you," she said. "I only ever saw you, and I only ever had you."

"I see six of them."

She snorted a laugh as she sped down the street. It was a 20mph road, but we were going forty in our black station wagon (but it had been turned into a car meant to be used after the Apocalypse, meaning you could stand in the back and shoot away). "Good luck with that," she said to me.

"But...they look like Caesar and I, and we're both guys."

"Well, maybe you have surrogate mothers or something."

"I don't know...I mean, there are two boys. One looks exactly like me and then the other looks exactly like Caesar. It's the same with two girls. Though then there's a boy and a girl, and they look like the perfect mixture of Caesar and I. It's really weird Mom. I mean, one is like mine and then the other is Caesar's. How do you explain that?"

"Maybe they're not humans."

"Mom," I groaned.

"What? They could be mutants."

"Or they could be mutated humans," I said, not thinking about what I said. Hm. Mutated humans. "Who's that scientist that lives on Colossus?" Colossus was the creepy little hill on the outskirt of town. There was this big dome with a bunch of weird technology coming out of it everywhere. The guy who lived up there said aliens spoke to him and so he created this building and did weird experiments. People went up there all the time when they needed something. Geraldine Machine lost her leg one night and she went up and came back down with this fake leg made out of some weird metal. Apparently, he fixes illnesses, too, but I don't know.

"Dr. Cholmondely."

"What?"

"Dr. Cholmondely."

"No, it was something like Choal-mon-deli."

She rolled her eyes. "It's pronounced Chumli. It's spelled the way you pronounce it, but it's pronounced differently."

"Chumli?"

"Yes."

"Okay, whatever..." What the fuck?

"Why?"

"Just curious."

"Little bitch," she mumbled under her breath.

The following day, I decided to visit Dr. Cholmondely. I went up to the dome and pulled on the string hanging outside of it.

"Coming!" someone shouted, and it sounded like he was right next to me. An old man with grey hair like Einstein's opened the door. He was in all white and looked...heavenly. "Hello," he greeted.

"Uh, hi..." I said, suddenly finding myself at a loss for words.

"What can I do for you?"

"Well...I've been going slightly mad lately, and I've been seeing my kids. I don't have any kids, but I've been seeing imaginary people that I think are my kids."

"Yours alone or is there another father?" How'd he know I'm gay?

"Uh, there's another father."

"Alright. Come in. Come in."

I entered the dome and it was so bright. I didn't see any lights, but everything was a light color and it was so clean. He was saying something as he stood next me, but I couldn't hear him! He stopped talking, made a motion for me to stay, and then went to the center. "Now then," he said, and I could hear him like he was right next to me. "If you're wondering, this dome is acoustically sound, meaning you can hear me clearly from this position, but perhaps from not another. So as I move about, please, move so you can still hear me." He started to walk and talk and I moved to my right, still able to hear him as we walked. "Two young ladies came to me with this type of ordeal. They weren't slightly mad, but they wanted me to turn one of their eggs into a sperm cell. That, unfortunately, is impossible. It's considered cloning, which is illegal in America, but Skull Valley isn't really associated with America. It's scientifically impossible for me to do that cloning. Although, I can clone in another way. I can't turn an egg into a sperm, but I can take the DNA from an egg and transform that into a sperm cell."

I wasn't sure what to think. How? Why couldn't anyone else do this? This should be legal for gay couples!

"It's not that it's illegal. It's just that no one else can do it except for a few underground scientists. There's only about five of us in the world, a few lucky ones who've experienced something the average man can't understand." Aliens...? "And we have this ability to do almost anything. In order to do this, I'll need a sample from you and your mate."

"Well...I don't want to do it now. He's in prison until December and I'm not ready to have kids."

"So what did you want then?"

"I just wanted to see if you could help me - just not now."

He laughed. "Well then, perhaps when you're ready."

"Okay. Thank you Doctor."

I quickly left, feeling a bit more...celestial.

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