We'll Always Have the Dickinson

Chapter Twelve: A Time for Decision Making

My hands brushed across the ice cold metal door of his apartment. My knuckles hit a few times in urgency. I had seen his car outside in the parking lot. He had to be here. I knocked again and again, slamming my hands against it until the door flew open. A half-naked sleepy eyed Josh answered the door in grey sweats. I couldn't help but smile at his disheveled hair, and hairy chest. His eyes opened slightly, flickering to mine in confusion.

"Ethan," he mumbled in a dry voice. "Hi. Why didn't you call? I was asleep."

I stepped inside of his apartment to see it in disarray. There were clothes across the floor, empty bottles everywhere and half-eaten food lying around on paper plates. It looked like he hadn't cleaned in weeks. Josh ran his fingers through his hair, walking off towards his bedroom. I followed him into his room, and sat down at his desk chair. He sat back down in his bed, crossing his legs, as I glanced around his room. There were clothes strewn across his carpet as well as other things. My eyes stopped on a used condom on the floor as Josh began to speak.

"Sorry about the mess," he explained. "I had a couple of friends over last night and I didn't have time to clean up. Things got a little crazy."

"I see," I said folding my arms across my chest. I stood up picking up an open box of condoms from off the ground and tossing it towards him. Josh placed it on top of his dresser, before glancing back at me.

"It's not what you think Ethan," he began to explain. I smirked. It wasn't the first time I had heard that phrase before.

"Now I understand why you wanted a break so badly," I mumbled. "You just wanted to go out and hook up with hot younger guys who aren't tied down."

Josh's groaned rubbing his eyes. My accusations obviously weren't sitting well with him. He immediately went off at even the idea of him hooking up with someone else and how stupid I sounded to even accuse of him that.

"Ethan! I did not sleep with anyone else! Yes, I've gone out a few times with my friends but that's only to get my mind off of you," Josh huffed. I sucked my teeth, my eyes flickering over to the condoms on the floor. He was lying right to my face. I chewed on my lower lip, nearly biting it off I was so pissed at the thought of him getting intimate with someone else.

"I can't believe you're lying to me," I growled. "You're lying right to my face, Josh. Next time you don't want people finding out about your hook-ups get rid of the evidence."

"Evidence," Josh said his eyes following to my finger. As soon as he looked at the condom on the floor, he sighed, shaking his head. I stared at him for a moment as he began to laugh. I was deeply confused. He ran his fingers through his hair as a deep throaty laugh of his spilled out of his throat and filled the entire room.

"Josh, what's so funny?" I asked staring at him like he was a lunatic. His behavior was really starting to scare me a little bit.

"You're going to laugh when I tell you," Josh said his face turning a bright red. "It's kind of embarrassing actually. Ryan's getting married and I had a small get together for him. I blew up some condoms like balloons as a joke."

"Oh! Josh, I'm sorry," I said awkwardly. "I just saw the condom and I thought – I  - Josh, I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry about this separation. I'm sorry we haven't had sex. I'm sorry you've been neglected. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Josh shrugged. "It was my idea. But I'm assuming everything is in order now? You and Roseanne have talked."

"We've talked and that's why I came here to talk to you," I said trying to figure out how to say this. Josh patted the side of the bed beside him. I moved quickly beside him as he wrapped his arms around my shoulder pulling me close into him. He slid his hand into mine, squeezing it tightly in his.