This is the story of how I died.
Died, leaving all of my loved ones behind.
If they loved me is unknown.
But I knew for sure that one particular person loved me.
The others should have paid more attention,
Made sure I was okay.
Or it could have been my fault.
By not being careful,
By being dramatic.
Maybe love was the reason.
You can choose who you blame.
This is my story...
Sophia, my younger sister, turned eight yesterday. Of course, I was ignored the entire day; as I was every year. This year was different though. I didn't care as much as I did all of those other times. Probably because I had my Aaron. Had. Past tense. I guess I was his Gracie too. Also past tense.
When he had come round to visit me, I didn't pay attention to how he felt or what he wanted to talk about because I was in a bad mood and all I could think about was me. I regretted that now.
Running away had seemed like the only option to me and I didn't want to do it without my Aaron so I suggested that we met on Patong Beach. We agreed on meeting shortly after midnight, boxing day.
We had an argument shortly after that which had come out of nowhere. It wasn't massive. At least, it didn't seem like it was until the end. He called me reticent, I labelled him despotic, he said I hide from the light, I told him he always had to be in the light. It went too far too fast and before I knew it, he had left me.
I didn't believe in love after that. Another past tense.
Once he had gone, I collapsed onto my scratchy carpet and just lay there. Thinking. I was content with loneliness before I met him; it just wasn't enough anymore. He couldn't just walk out of my life- I wouldn't let him. I couldn't live without him.
I can hear my mother and father watching TV downstairs, my brother singing a song to my baby sister and my little sister complaining, as always. I can hear all of these things but I can't hear my phone ringing out the sound which I want it to. I need to hear his voice. I can't handle going on like this. I need him to help me through.
What would Aaron be thinking if he knew what I was doing recently? Would he even be thinking of me or what we had planned to do at all? Today, I just keep cutting the same place; deeper and deeper. Why can't he come and save me like he always does?
Nobody's noticed that I haven't left my room in four days. That I haven't eaten or washed or slept. Nobody cares. Time is going quicker than usual, though I don't know why. Forty minutes has passed in the time of a second and it's now 00:41am. I must go now Diary, and I won't be coming back. I'm doing this for Aaron. He's my exception; he's the only exception...
My blood mixed with the ocean water looked like the summer fruits squash drink I had when I was a toddler. Pink juice, I called it.
The faint, obnoxious laughter a few buildings away from the coast sounded like my brother and I when I was only ten years old.
Smelling the salty sea reminded me of Aaron.
He always put way too much salt on food.
I giggled quietly.
These were the kind of memories which you had to hold onto.
When I was younger I saw,
My daddy cry, and curse at the wind.
My phone was ringing; it was Aaron's song.
And that was the day that I promised,
I'd never sing of love, if it does not exist.
He was there, right by the edge of the sand, covered in bruises and blood.
The wind blew his hair and jacket all over the place as he looked at my helplessly, his phone in his hand. I loved him so much.
You, are, the only exception,
You, are, the only exception.
My phone carried on ringing; I didn't pick up and he didn't hang up. His eyes begged me to come out of the water and not to do it. He didn't understand or make any move to come closer to me.
Deep in my soul, that love never lasts,