When I look in the mirror

Chapter 1

I wasn't 100% sure where to go as it's a hard subject, but please let me know what you thought about it.

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Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Tick. Tick.

Tick. Tick.

The consistent sound of the rhythmic clock plagued the ears of the students as it taunted us, it teased us with the sound of ever approaching freedom. Freedom that felt like it was an eternity.

I never heard a word which was spoken, in one ear and out the other as they say. My mind, not unlike the other people in this class was elsewhere. Who knows what was going on inside those hard shelled heads of theirs? I surely didn't want to know that was for sure. Me however, I was sitting there calculating the calories I'd taken in, the exercise I should be doing to work it off and diet I was on.

Food was slowly growing into an obsession I couldn't stop each day. It started off small, but over the course of the past few weeks I'd grown obsessed with the idea of how I could control it so I could remodel my body in what I thought would ideal.

The bell for lunch rang and everyone hastily gathered their belongings to escape this zone as if they'd be forced to sit here again and hear it if they stayed longer than a minute. Slowly I made my way out into the halls and slowly out into the lunch area where I met up with my friend Sally.

Sally was beautiful; she had long black wavy hair, brown eyes and a physique to die for. All the boys swooned over her but she paid no attention to them. She was someone whose focus was on other things in life and she didn't give a damn what anyone else would say. I admired that about her.

"Hello beautiful!" she shouted.

I cringed a little inside. I didn't believe her, how could I be beautiful as I am? I'm not.

"Hey Sal, what's up?"

"I got in detention after school for punching someone," she stated.

I raised my eyebrows in question.

"What? He deserved it. He told me I had a nice body and should show more of it later"

"I hope he got bruised," I smirked.

"Don't worry he did" she winked.

We went into the cafeteria that was swarming with teenagers crammed into one room, their voices creating an intense buzzing noise of voices all mushed together in uncomprehensive sentences. Sally and I moved up in the food line; however I wasn't planning on buying anything since I already brought my own small lunch. It had been 3 weeks since I started my diet and I had already lost a few kilos. It was paying off. But I needed more, I could feel it, I could feel I still wasn't beautiful enough for anyone...even me.

"What are you getting?" Sal asked.

"Um, water."

She looked at me funny, "okay, but don't scab all my food then you butt."

"Not guarantee's" I joked. Of course I wouldn't.

Sally's lunch consisted of a variety of greasy foods riddled with fat, fat and fat. However it never affected her because her body never gained any weight. My lunch was an apple and some carrot sticks. No matter how long it's been I still couldn't kid myself that it was satisfying at all in any way.

We ate in silence which was rare, but I noticed Sally kept giving me strange looks when she thought I wasn't paying attention. I think she knew what I was doing, but I couldn't tell her, she wouldn't understand. No one would.

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As I walked into the door of my house I smelt food cooking. Dear god it made my mouth water in ways I didn't want it to. I tried to ignore it but my stomach erupted into a fit of gurgles and basically shouted 'feed me!'.

"Lola, dear come here I want you to try this!" My mother, Caroline called.

I regrettably walked into the kitchen only to be greeted with a massive cake covered in chocolate icing. I felt myself weakening and before I knew it I was eating an enormous piece of cake in the kitchen.

When I had finished I felt myself being swallowed by guilt. I wasn't supposed to eat that, I thought over and over. Slowly I trudged up the stairs, all faith in myself lost. I was a failure, I wasn't supposed to fail.

I curled up on my bed and cried.