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Funny Random Sayings

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Funny random sayings

1. My best friend is better than yours! So put that in your juice box and suck it!

2. I am the future of America... be afraid... be VERY afraid

3. Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip

4. Come to the dark side; we have cookies

5. I'm not so good at advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

6. I run with scissors. It makes me feel dangerous. ; )

7. Duct Tape is like the force. There's a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together.

8. I poured spot remover on my dog... now he's gone.

9. If Barbie is so popular then why do you have to buy her friends?

10. My computer may have beat me in chess, but it was no match for me in kickboxing.

Funny Stuff

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Friend's will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

EMO kids have cool hair.

EMO=Extravagantly Made Origami

BEARS=Butt Extremely Annoying Retard Scientists

I read New Moon and I wanted to kick Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD.

I read Eclipse and wanted to smack Jacob Black REALLY REALLY HARD. Then Bella did it for me. "Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from 

strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...

No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone.

Stupidity is not a crime so you're free to go.

"Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? You 

guessed it. Guess what's next? You guessed it..."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed."

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Did you know Sarcasm is your body's natural defense against stupidity?

Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hate that.

Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

Therapist = the/rapist... scary thought.

Don't call me emo or I'll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I'll die and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Tell the truth and run.

Don't follow me, I'm lost too.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

Definition of Your Mom: How to answer a question when you're bored

Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?

I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.

It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.

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