love is happiness...
love is smiling when you hear that person's voice...
love is the butterflies in your tummy no matter how many times you see that person...
love is when you look at them and smile for no reason...
love is seeing an imperfect person perfectly...
love is painful..
love is hard...
love is sacrifice..
love is sadness..
“Can I live without the happiness? Can I live with that sadness? I don't know...I don't know anything anymore”
I remembered that once I fell in love with a Gangster. I don't know how and when it happened. But I do remember saying that
"I have fallen for this one of a kind stupid gangster. Oh wait, let me that. I LOVED this stupid gangster.. I gave him happiness while he gave me suicide in return. I know, It sucks. But I never regretted loving him in the first place, well… maybe I did."
I also remembered loving everything about him ncluding his flaws.. Friends told me that we met in a very spontaneous way.. And then everything happened so fast..
But... Who's this gangster?? I know two gangsters but..
Which one am I dating?
You wanna know a secret? Ok ok..
He’s not my first love and I’m NOT his first love. Definitely not.
So what is it that made me love and cling to him this much?
Well, he’s irritating, loud, and he’s not sweet! He’s weird, he smokes, he drinks, he goes clubbing on a weekday, and he fights and bullies a lot. Take note, A LOT. He is very moody and a bit blunt. Oh yeah, he even threatened to kill me. -- for short, HE IS A GANGSTER.
NO he’s not a criminal, a mobster, a hoodlum or a thug. I have my own definition of a gangster you know..
I kind of pushed all of his bad traits. OK FINE. I’m sorry.
He’s nice (at times), he lets me feel that I’m extra special (kinda), he protects his friends (true), gives freebies (true) WELL HE IS RICH YOU KNOW! And he’s smart.. in a way. I mean in his own little way.
Well, let me clear this, It’s not LOVED coz I STILL LOVE him. And yes, he threatened to KILL ME.
So let me start the story now. It was a very sunny afternoon and very boring too. I was logging on to my MSN account checking if my brother Nathan is on.
Well to my surprise, someone IMed me, and it wasn’t my brother.
I am Sushi says: Bee, sa dating lugar. Ok?
Who the heck is I am Sushi? I have added him loooong time ago but we don’t chat. I don’t even see him on.
Princess Athena says: uhh.. who’s this?
I am Sushi says: Langya bakit ka ba ganyan!?
Bakit ka ba ganyan? What the heck did I do?? What’s wrong with asking him who he is?!
Princess Athena says: seriously, I don’t know you.
I am Sushi says: si Kenji to!!!
Princess Athena says: OH! I don’t know anyone named Kenji.
I am Sushi says: I know you don’t love me anymore but please. don’t be like that. don’t act like you never knew me at all..
I’m starting to get irritated. I’m bored, alone and his screen name is making me hungry! I won’t get killed if I’ll play a little, right?
Princess Athena says: So what if I’m like this? what is it to you huh? A*shole
I am Sushi says: I’m really sorry. I love you… Athena ayusin na natin to.. it’s been 4 months.. please.. I miss you badly..
Princess Athena says: What if ayoko? may magagawa ka ba? LOSER. GET LOST!
I am Sushi says: don’t say that.. I told you, I’m sorry. alam kong masaya ka na sa kanya, pero please.. meet me later.. I’ll wait for you there. Whatever it takes.
Wow. He is pathetic. And I am enjoying this game.
Princess Athena says: you wanna know something? I AM HAPPY RIGHT NOW! WITH HIM BESIDE ME. LOVING AND CARING FOR ME! SO PLEASE STOP THIS NONSENSE AND GET LOST! IM GONNA LOG OUT NA!
I logged out. It was kinda fun playing with that sushi guy, but I feel bad, coz he seemed serious.. oh well I don’t know him, so what.
After an hour, my BESTES-ok-no-such-word-FRIEND texted me to go to starbucks BF.
I took a shower then went to starbucks bf. There I saw her sitting, alone. WOW she’s alone!
“What’s up? Libre mo ba ko?” I asked her
“Sure, what do you want? AY wait. look at that guy, he’s so cute oh wait, he’s so HOT! Kanina pa siya nandyan eh, he looks sad and I think he’s waiting for someone..”
Cute? HOT?! WTF?! HE IS SO NOT HOT!! NOT EVEN CUTE!! I hate his hair! The color, length and the style! I hate the way he dresses. Ok fine I’m discriminating him. OMG he’s smoking! I totally do not like him. He’s not my type. There’s one way to describe him.. he definitely looks like a.... GANGSTER!
“Gusto mo siya? EW.”
“Hinde naman gusto, gusto. Hello!! Tingnan mo nga yung ibang tao dito! Walang gwapo! Outstanding lang talaga yung istura niya.”
“I know. ‘Coz he looks like a ghetto.”
“Haaay. Palibasa mga gusto mo mga pretty boy! Yung mga type mo, yung tipong hindi ko ma-ipagtatanggol sa mga masasamang tao!”
Here we go again. She’s nagging me again about my ‘ideal’ guy. So what if I like pretty boys? Don’t they look adorable?
“Teka, kelan nga pala tayo papasok? August 14 na oh! 1 week na tayong hindi pumapasok! 1 week na rin tayong nagbabakasyon sa bahay!”
“Sige, sa 16 pumasok na tayo. Nakapag enroll na rin naman tayo eh, kaya ok na yun.”
“Hassle kasi, bakit ba kasi nila nalaman yung tungkol satin. Nakakaasar kasi yung mga ingitera eh.!”
“Pabayaan mo na, nakuha naman natin yung half nung tuition fee eh, so pwede na yun.”
After our cheap thrill, we went home.
Oh yeah. I haven’t introduced myself yet
I’m Athena Dizon, 17 years old, was born here in the Philippines, stayed here for 2 years then went to Korea. I grew up in Korea, I lived there for almost 10 years. I stayed in the States with Sara for 3 years then went back to Korea just to ask our parents permission to allow us live in the Philippines. I’m a pure Filipino. I have a 20 y/o half-brother his name is Sang Min but his English name is Nathan. He’s half-Filipino half-Korean. We can both speak Tagalog. My dad told me that my mom died because of a heart failure or something like that. Oh well. My step mom treated me well. She’s like a real mom to me. She loves me more than Nathan oppa! ^____^
Sara Jung is my best friend. She’s a 50% Filipino, 25% Korean and 25% Japanese, am I right? I suck in math. Sorry. Her mom and my dad were best friends since pre-school. Basically they’re like us, me and Sara.
So now, we transferred to another school because of 5 reasons:
FIRST that school sucks
SECOND we got bored
THIRD too many sl*uts
FOURTH they found out about our secret
FIFTH I think I’ve said it all, so I’m going to cancel the fift one .
Again, I logged on to my MSN. Sushi boy is online. I’m feeling guilty of what I did earlier..
I was about to IM him when
I am Sushi says: I waited for you.. I waited there for 5 hours.. pero hindi ka dumating.. may nangyari ba? Ano bang problema mo at bakit hindi ka sumipot??
Princess Athena says: Sinabi ko bang maghintay ka?! Ano bang problema mo ha? Tigilan mo na ko!
I am Sushi says: Makipag kita ka muna sakin, bukas? Please? 3pm ok?
Princess Athena says: EWAN KO SAYO! BYE!
Then again, I logged out.
I took a shower and went back to my room.