The Robber Knight's Love

03. Memorable Robbing

From the brush where he was hiding, Sir Reuben could hear the light hoofs of the mare, approaching fast. The rider seemed to be in a hurry. Just when the animal was about to pass him, he pressed his feet into the sides of his stallion and broke free of the brush, to block the path of whoever was unfortunate enough to be his prey this day.

“Halt!” he shouted, holding up one of his mighty, iron-clad fists.

The rider's horse was almost scared out its wits by his sudden appearance. It reared, and the young girl on its back had to hold on for dear life. Reuben watched her efforts with amusement. He contemplated the chances of her landing on her behind in the dirt. Now that would be an entertaining sight.

However, she managed to stay in the saddle. Well, well. Here was something you didn't see everyday: a female who could actually ride. What a pity she would soon lose her horse, he thought, grinning behind his visor.

“You idiot!” the girl yelled at him, still trying to calm her horse. “What did you mean by startling my horse like that?! Do you have a screw loose somewhere, and I don't mean in your armor? You could have killed me.”

Idiot, is it? This wench needed to be taught some manners! And lesson number one would be: never insult the heavily armed man who just appeared right in front of you.

“Well, that would have simplified matters,” Reuben retorted.

Through the slits of his helmet he saw the girl's eyes go wide, and enjoyed the show immensely. Oh yes, now you'll think twice about being so cocky again, won't you?

Apparently, the girl had come to the same conclusion. After throwing him a wary look, she made her mare retreat a few steps.

Oh no. None of that, my little vixen.

“What do you want?” she asked.

Reuben had to work hard to suppress a chuckle. By Satan's hairy ass, wasn't it obvious? This wench was apparently greener than all the leaves in the forest put together. “Now,” he said, “that's a simple enough question: all that you have.”

She stared at him, still not understanding. Then, slowly, he could see comprehension dawn.

“You!” she hissed.

Behind his visor, Reuben raised an eyebrow. She had heard of him, had she? Well, it didn't really surprise him. Who in the whole wide world hadn't heard of Sir Reuben Rachwild? He was more famous than the Iron Otto or Sir Grinwald of Hammersdal, both impressively greedy and blood-thirsty monsters. He was Sir Reuben Rachwild.

“Aye,” he said, very pleased with himself. “I.”

“Get out of my way,” the girl made an imperious gesture with her small hand, as if she were trying to chase away a stray chicken. “Go now! Leave this land and I will forget that you ever came here.”

Reuben almost burst out laughing. “What a generous offer, Milady. But alas, I have to rob you first. Even poor knights like myself have to live.”

“Heel! Abominable villain! You dare defy me?”

Was this wench genuine? Satan's hairy ass, this was the funniest robbery in years!

Pretending to think hard on the subject, Reuben scratched the side of his helmet. “Hmm... yes, I think I do. Dare defy you, I mean. Now can we please get on to the robbery part? I've got places to be.”

“But you're a knight,” she protested. “How can you do this? How can you rob a woman?”

He was tempted to explain how exactly one could rob a woman—not just of her horse and belongings, but of her virtue along with those. Surely the expression on her face would have been priceless! Instead he just shrugged and said: “Oh, it's quite easy, if you know how to. I'll let you in on my secret if you promise to keep it to yourself. You see, unlike men, women don't usually carry weapons. That makes them very easy to rob.”