HOT CHOCOLATE AND GRAHAM CRACKERS
Mother
God’s helping hands
Humble, steadfast and strong
Foundation of her heav’ly home
Cherished
Mary L. Walling 4/2011
Mother peeked in and could see that I was having trouble sleeping. Ever since we had discovered that I had a seizure disorder, things had changed for us. It took several seizures before the doctors would finally acknowledge that this was what was wrong. My mother who had been through nurses training recognized what the episodes were, but by the time I would arrive at the ER and waited to be seen by a doctor the symptoms would be gone. Mother would argue with the doctors every time only to be told there was nothing wrong with me and I would be sent home.
Finally I had a seizure and was seen by a doctor before all the symptoms had vanished. The next thing that had to be done was to determine what was causing them. This meant a trip to a neurologist for an EEG-a test that allows the doctor to see what is going on in the brain. These trips would be all day trips and were very tiring and for me very scary. The test results could find no reason for the seizures. This kind of seizure is known as an idiopathic seizure-no known cause .
I had to go every six months to a year for an EEG . The EEG's back then were messy and mother would bring shampoo and a towel and after the EEG she would take me to the bathroom in the hospital and gently wash my hair and then as a special treat take me to the hospital cafeteria and buy me an ice cream.
Adjusting to this was not easy for anyone. I was not blessed with an aura or warning before a seizure and the fact that they were grand-mal seizures made them even more frightening. I was placed on several medications to control the seizures and one of the side effects, was caused by the medication was sleeplessness. Mother who had insomnia would often check on me.
Thus began the ritual of the "hot chocolate and graham crackers" .
When mother checked on me, if I was awake, she would quietly wave me out of bed and into the kitchen. There she would make a pot of hot chocolate from scratch and we would sit at the table and have hot chocolate and graham crackers. We would talk about what went on during the day and just spend time together. There was only one thing...this was our special time and I could not tell anyone. I loved mother for making me feel so special. For trying to make me feel better about the seizures, for finding that I had a disorder that many people did not understand and were ashamed of and that I was going to have to learn to cope with it and with these people.
Mom and dad spent years teaching me that just because I had a seizure disorder, didn't mean that I couldn't do anything I wanted to. I was never supposed to use my seizures as a crutch. My seizures were an inconvience, not a disability. Mom encouraged me to do whatever I wanted.
When I showed an interest in playing the piano our nanny gave us a piano. Mother found a piano teacher and my sister and I took piano lessons. I was not very good at it, but had the desire. My sister had the talent, but no desire. I had the desire, but no talent. I worked hard at it, my sister would listen to it once or twice and sit down and play it. It was frustrating. I still don't play very well. Just for my own enjoyment but mother was always there to encourage me. When I wanted to take voice lessons, my mother encouraged me and this I was good at. I babysat to pay for the lessons and then in my senior year of high school, I won a scholarship for seniors to USF for the year and was able to take voice lessons for one year at no cost and mother made sure that I was at every lesson.
Mom and dad also taught me the importance of faith and blessings during this learning experience.
I remember a seizure I had when I was 12 and we were living in North Carolina. It was a Sunday morning and we were getting out of the car when I had a seizure in the parking lot of the church. One of my parents caught me before I fell and hit my head on the ground. Dad got me in the backseat of the car with mother cradling my head and trying to find my pulse which was extremely weak.
Another brother and sister who had arrived at the same time, took my brother and sister into the church, while my parents rushed me to the hospital. The Elders were called to come and help give me a blessing. Mother was scared because she could not find my pulse and my breathing were shallow. Once I received a blessing from the Priesthood, I regained consciousness and all symptoms were gone by the time the doctor arrived.
My parent’s faith in the Lord, in the blessings of the Priesthood is something that they instilled in me at an early age. They always tried to make me feel special and yet they still taught me that I could do anything that I set my mind to. I was not to use my disorder as a disability but as an asset.
Graham crackers and hot chocolate are still something so very special to me because of what was taught to me during those special moments spent with my mother.
