Narrator: After one year of dating, Max and Ashley are engaged. Right before the wedding…
Spotty: Ashley, why are you so scared? It’s just getting married
Ashley: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS ONLY HAPPENS ONCE IN A LIFE TIME!
Spotty: Well, you can’t be sure that it will only happen once. I mean, Max is…special…and you guys probably won’t last considering that fact that your so smart, pretty, and successful, but Max is, ugly, fat, dumb, and jobless.
Ashley: Do you want me to punch you right now? Or what?
Spotty: No, I just want to make sure you have no doubts, I mean getting married is a big step
Ashley: Shut up and do my make up…*thinking* maybe Spotty’s right, Max is kind of stupid, and he is kind of fat…I hope that doesn’t affect our kids…but then again, he is a great speller
Narrator: Now to Max’s room…
Max: I’m so excited to be getting married! Now I have a wife to be my servant!!!!
Max’s dad (Bob): Max! Don’t talk about women that way!
Max: Why not? It’s true. Ashley will be my servant forever, and she’ll cook for me, clean for me, and anything else I need
Bob: Really? I doubt it…YOU will probably be her servant!!!!
Max: NOOOO! Anyway, what should I wear to the wedding? I was thinking a nice Hawaiian shirt and some shorts.
Bob: WHAT?!?! You didn’t get a tux?
Max: A tux? Why would I wear one of those?
Bob: Max! If you don’t wear a tux to your OWN wedding, Ashley will kill you and you guys will definitely NOT get married!!!
Max: Really…well, I do have a tux from high school, when I ran for president
Bob: I remember that! You got zero votes!!! Ha ha!
Max: Nuh-uh! I got ONE vote. I voted for myself!!!!
Bob: Anyways, do you think it will still fit?
Max: Maybe…I mean I am about 25 pounds heavier, but I can try!
Bob: Go home and get it before Ashley or anyone else sees you dressed like that!
Narrator: Now back to Ashley…
Ashley: Mom! You’re here!!! Thank god, I almost thought you wouldn’t be coming since you said Max was a blithering idiot
Ashley’s mom (Maryann): I know Max is an idiot, but this is your wedding I wouldn’t miss it
Ashley: Thanks, I think…
Narrator: Back to Max…
Bob: Do you have the tux?
Max: Yes, but it’s a little tight…
Bob: Was that your pants…
Max: And my shirt
Bob: Well, we don’t have anything else, so you’ll have to wear it. I’ll find someone to patch it up for you
Narrator: An hour later…
Bob: Max, where are you? The weddings starting in ten minutes!!!
Max: I’m right here
Bob: Good, now put on the tux
Max: Why are the patches neon?
Bob: There were no other colors
Max: Well ok…
Narrator: Back to Ashley…
Maryann: Ashley, get ready to walk down the aisle
Ashley: I’m ready mom
Maryann: I’m sure you wish your dad was walking you down the aisle, but he’s dead
Ashley: Mom, please don’t bring it up now
Maryann: Ok, ok
Narrator: While Ashley is walking down the aisle…
Maryann: Why is Max dressed in a black and neon suit?
Ashley: I don’t know, he told me he had gotten a black tux
Maryann: See, this is why I said Max is an idiot. You should’ve gotten the tux for him
Ashley: Mom, please stop talk-
Max: Ashley, you look wonderful!
Ashley: (Whispers) Wish I could say the same…
Ashley: Nothing…let’s just get married
Narrator: After a few minutes, Max and Ashley say their vows:
Max: I promise to always love you, and care for you, and do anything you want me to…and…uh…the end…
Ashley: Ok… I, Ashley, take you Max, to be my husband to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride
Narrator: Max and Ashley kiss!!!