I Never Asked for You

Why will the ground not swallow me?

“My God, It was awful” I put my head in my hands, I sat down on the grass outside shaking. For all my good intentions I had failed. I was sure I had done! I had messed up everything! I mean I was fine to start off with, shaky, but okay. I started my presentation and was looking round the room, as I read that it was best to do on the internet; and then I saw him, I thought I saw him, and I froze, I became Jabba the Hutt in verbal form. My words became some unknown language reincarnated for this speech.

“I just can’t believe I crumpled like that.” Tears stain my cheeks, Casey leans over to me and wraps her arm around my shoulder, she leans her head on mine.

“Ali, please, you’re making it out to be worse than it is. It was just a coincidence, it wasn't him was it. I think you coped with it very well.”  She pulls a ringlet of my hair out of the way of the next wave of tears. “Hey… hey, that’s enough. You didn't half scare him though. You stared straight at him, he looked as if he had just wet himself. Poor guy. He did look like him though, but I wouldn't worry, Miss McKenna knows everything, she wont put it against your grade, I promise you. She cant, because thats being unfair, and it wouldn't be right to penalise you for it.”

I look up at Casey, my eyes surely must be all puffy and blotchy, I sniff and root about in my bag for a tissue, I cant find one, but retrieve my emergency pack of cigarettes. Casey raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything; she must be thinking that this wasn't the time to argue with me about my smoking.

I nod and sigh. “I know, I just wanted something to go perfectly, y’know? Who was that guy anyway? He was, so… so similar to him.”

Casey shrugs.

“All I know is that he's a couple of grades below us, I think someone mentioned his name was Martin Rogers. No one of importance, or anything to do with Nate.” I jump as she says his name.

Jeez, he isn't he-who-must-not-be-named. Mr Potter wouldn't be very proud of you.

Noticing the jolt Casey changes the subject. “Anyway, shall we go and have a coffee or something? I just need to go and hand this in to Mr Anders. Meet you at Gino’s? Do you need to drop anything in my car?”

“No.” I croak. I’m still clinging to my cigarette packet, I’ll smoke it when Casey goes to hand her stuff into Anders. “Go on, I’ll wait by your car and we’ll go together” Casey nods, gives me a compassionate smile and walks off.

I walk towards the car, take a cigarette out and go to light it, I then realise that I forgot to pack my lighter. Damn it! I search around in my bag for what seems like forever, hoping I might have left one in there. In a temper, I growl quietly to myself and scowl.

“You okay?”

I jump out of my skin. I think I was still a little wound up after what happened earlier, you never know who is around the corner. I try to get the shakes to leave my body, not be a coward, and turn to look at the owner of the voice. 

He is about 6 ft 3, mesmerising brown eyes, and golden skin like caramel. His hair is in short messy waves, and he is smiling at me.

Oh. My. God…

I look up at him towering over me, his eyes, are piercing, like he can see right into me and out the other side. I feel like I am in a trance, who is this wonderful creature? I can feel my cheeks tingling as I continue to stand there on the spot, just looking. Transfixed. 

“Have you lost something?” He asks me, as if he hasn’t noticed me practically drooling on him. If he does notice, he doesn’t show it. I am standing there in a daze and then it hits me, I am terrified. I haven’t really spoken to a stranger for a very long time, in fact I have flat out avoided them, especially guys. Still gazing at him, I realise I have been standing there what seems like a lifetime, and not actually speaking.