My monday began just as every other morning had for the past several years. There was nothing particularly special about that day, certainly nothing worth taking note of. I woke up at the same time, went through the same routine, ate the same thing for breakfast, and headed out of the house exactly like I had always done. There was nothing new, nothing changed, and I expected nothing would make this day different than any other. I would repeat the exact same things I had done yesterday, and I will go through it again tomorrow. My life was an endless cycle of replays.
On this specific day, where everything was going as expected and nothing was out of the ordinary, I felt as though something was weighing on my heart. The sameness bothered me. It was what I feared. I cried out with everything in me to prevent it from occurring, but I knew it always would.
Repeating the same day continuously made me restless. I got agitated. Consumed with a desire for more, I couldn’t find anything of interest left in these boring hours. Each day passed by like an eternity, each minute stretching far past its time. My passionate desire for something greater than all this repetition just made my annoyance worse. It seemed as though I was forever doomed to live out an average life.
The only thing that bothered me more than the distastefulness of this world was my own loneliness. I lived my whole life seeing the world like no one else possibly could. No other human being around me could see the cycle of sameness we were all held captive by. It was only me who knew that everyday was the same. Being the only one, I had no one to talk to, no one I could complain to when the same boring things drifted by my face day after day. I was surrounded by people who could never completely understand me. Despite how many friends I tried to fill the emptiness in my heart with, I lived my life utterly and entirely alone.
With that in mind, it was by no surprise that I happened to find myself, on that particular monday, feeling very much exhausted and alienated.
“Neyra!” I heard my name shouted across the hall as I walked through the doors into the school. It was an all too familiar greeting. Addison welcomed me most mornings like this, and today was no exception.
“Hi, Addy.” I didn’t bother turning around and striking up a conversation with her, instead continuing to make a fast retreat to my locker. If I remained any longer, it would only end in a clingy hug anyway, and I tried to avoid those as best as I could.
I strode down the short hallway, seeing the rest of my friends hanging around by the classroom, waiting for the day to begin. I wondered how long it would take them to acknowledge my arrival today. Normally they would finish whatever petty conversation they were having before saying anything to me. Ignoring them, I began messing around with my ever finicky lock.
“Hello, Neyra.” Hunter slid next to me, trying so hard to be smooth with his arms crossed against his chest. He was usually the second one to say anything to me, and I believe he was fonder of my companionship than most people were at that school.
“Hey.” I finished opening my locker before turning to talk to him. Looking up, I studied him, trying to determine his mood today. He seemed rather bubbly, meaning he was probably happier, which was a good thing for me. Other than that, he was fairly much the same as he was when I first met him, and every day that came after.
I found the same thing with everyone else. Nothing much had changed over the course of the weekend, and things were pretty much the same. Studying the rest of my friends, Evelyn, Eric, and Mason, it was obvious to tell that they had no clue they were doing the exact same thing yesterday as they were now.
“No Amber today?” Hunter had always been interested in my best friend, so when she didn’t arrive with me today, he would undoubtedly be concerned.
“Nah, she’s not feeling so well. I think she might just need this morning to sleep in.”
“Oh.” He looked down, his face suddenly becoming clouded. A pang of annoyance hit me, but I shrugged it off. It bothered me when he assumed he would miss her company more than anyone else. He complained much more than the others, which made it seem like he thought she was more important to him than she was to me. I try to forgive his ignorance, but I must admit that, no matter how stupid it seemed, sometimes I let it bother me.
The thing is, when Amber isn’t here for me, it’s so much lonelier. I haven’t had a lot of really good friends in my life, and she had to be one of the best. She understood me better than anyone else here could, so it made it an extra difficult day. To be honest, she also helped me control my tendency to alienate myself from those around me, so on days like this, it took me ever ounce of strength to joke around like I normally would.
Thankfully, the bell rang, saving me from any obligation to talk to people. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a complete social person, I love people. It’s just that I get so bored of having the same conversations over and over again. If a particular social group begins getting dull for me, I’d normally just go hang out with someone else who could offer me some excitement, but the school was small, and people were limited. If I have no one to entertain me, I’ll just sit and occupy myself, but that usually is made up of more antisocial activities, and I’m working hard not to completely isolate myself.
Class started with the same people, who sat in the same chairs, as every other school morning previous to this. The only thing different about today was the fact that Amber and Blain weren’t here, making us a class of six instead of eight. Part of that made me feel a little more positive about the day. I found my patients for Blain lacking, and without Amber here, it would be even harder to keep my blunt comments in check.