There are certain things in life that are just unexplainable.
Like how the ocean is blue but then the water that makes up the ocean is actually clear or how a green, gross, sluggy caterpillar turns into a delicate butterfly. Or how in the world of 7.1 billion people that's running around the planet, you meet that one special person you fall in love with or how someone like me, young, healthy and active is now lying here in a hospital bed trying to recover from a brain surgery because they found a tumor the size of a one carat ring in my head after I have complained about a series of intolerable headaches to my doctor.
At first, I was told that it was probably migraine. It ran in our family so it was a logical explanation. But when even after taking the prescribed meds, I was still experiencing the headaches, so much so that I couldn't function a hundred percent anymore, my doctor ordered an MRI and was referred to an oncologist as soon as they got the results.
Tumor.
Meningioma.
And if you think that's scary, let me up it a little more with the C word.
Yup.
Cancer.
My whole world stopped.
It didn't matter if the doctors said that it looked like it was benign so there was a very small probability of it being cancerous. It didn't matter if the doctor said that I even have a few option for treatments and would only need short term rehab therapy and no chemo.
There was still that probability, no matter how very small it was, that it was malignant and will have cancer and that none of my options won't work, not even therapy, not even chemo.
I was scared to death of well ... death.
There were still so many things to do ... to see ... to experience.
I still need to finish my Masters in Elementary Education, I just have a semester left before that coveted diploma.
I still need to see Bruno Mars, Sting, John Mayer, Paul McCartney, Maroon 5 and The Strokes in concert.
I still need to travel to Europe and visit the Vatican, see the Sistine Chapel so I can touch the hand of God or walk by the River Seine in Paris on my way to the Louvre Museum so I can share a smile with Mona Lisa.
I need to fall in love, get engage (and wear that one carat on my finger and not in my head) and get married.
Okay, scratch fall in love from the list because I already have... am ... is...still.
Yes. I think I have found the one amongst the seven point one billion people of the world.
Caleb. My C.
Though technically not anymore because we are no longer together.
Why? Especially since I just said I am in love with him... is in love with him... still in love with him.
Because I pushed him away, I let him go.
"Hi, Em, are you awake?" My thoughts were interrupted by my nurse, Lisa.
I sighed to shake the sadness that churned around my heart and forced a small smile. "Yeah," I nodded.
"I have your five o'clock meds and this!" She raised the basket of flowers that was in her hand, her smile was obviously that of excitement. "Where do you want this? Is here good?" She asked, placing the flowers, which I just realized had the Super Bowl theme going on, what with the mini balloons with team logos inserted in between the white and light pink flowers, on my over bed table.
