What If It's Us?

Prologue

"Gette! Uuwi ka na talaga?" tanging tango lang ang isinagot ko kahit may iba akong pupuntahan.

Narinig ko ang pagiimbita ng isa sa mga kaklase ko sa kanyang birthday party. I'm invited too, though, I don't want to go. I don't even know the name of the birthday celebrant. Is it Trina? Mabelle? I have no idea. She just invited the whole class.

"'To namang si Gette! Minsan lang, e..."

Tinaasan ko ng kilay ang nagsalita. "Ano bang mapapala ko riyan? Hindi ko rin naman kilala iyong may birthday. Ikaw ba 'yon?"

"Si Jess, ano ka ba! Kakain! Tsaka bonding na rin natin!" Jess? I don't know a Jess.

Bonding, huh. "May pagkain kami sa bahay. At ayokong makipagbonding. Uwi na ko..."

Halata sa mukha nila ang pagkagulat. See, this is why I don't have friends. My attitude stinks! They can't put up with me. I'm too straightforward. I don't sugarcoat things, which makes them brand me as an insensitive, rude bitch.

I'm not friendly, alright? I'm an awkward person. I hate talking. Especially the small talks! It makes me want to disappear completely. I'm pretty sure I'll be alone for my entire high school life. Sabi nila, maganda raw na humanap ng kaibigan ngayong Grade 7 kami para mayroon nang kasama hanggang sa magtapos. But I can't do it. I really can't be friends with someone...I really don't like the people around me. I don't know how to be friends with someone.

No, they're not the problem here. It's me. Something's wrong with me.

Anong oras na ba? Alas singko pa lamang naman. At paniguradong wala si Tita Desa sa bahay kaya't mas mabuting huwag muna akong umuwi. Wala rin akong ibang gagawin, e. I'll just get bored so I always have plans after school.

The thought of it excites me. Iyong abandonadong rooftop 'di kalayuan sa aming apartment. It's an old two-storey house. Ilang taon na raw simula noong iwanan ito ng may-ari. Walang pinta, walang furnitures at halos bitak bitak na ang mga dingding. It's a good thing that the staircase is still unyielding. The house looks kind of creepy from the outside, actually it looks like a horror house. Kaya siguro walang ibang sumusubok pumasok rito kundi ako. Nadiskubre ko ito noong bagong lipat kami sa village at simula noo'y madalas akong umakyat dito upang magpalipas ng oras at magensayo ng sayaw. I like dancing. It has a calming effect on me. Whenever I feel anxious, I would just dance it away and everything's going to be fine...even for a few hours only.

"Hi, Ira...did you miss me?" agad 'kong nilapitan ang kulay puting pusa. Parati siyang narito sa tuwing pumupunta ako. I think this is her home, too.

I slowly pet her head as I bring out the food I brought for her. Parang kaibigan ko na nga itong pusang ito, sa totoo lang. And she's way better than the people in my school. I know she won't ever judge me. "Good girl..." bulong ko habang pinapakain siya. And I think I like talking to her because she can't talk back.

The pinkish sky is breathtaking. I can't help but smile. This view never fails to make me happy. It's so amazing! I love watching how the sun sets, the movements of fluffy clouds, the birds flying freely up in the sky, I love how the wind blows my hair away. I love how it feels on my skin. It's comforting...

Ilang sandali 'kong pinagmasdan ang kalangitan kasabay ng paggamit ko ng inhaler bago kinuha ang munting speaker sa bag. I have to use this inhaler before dancing or I'll be having an asthma attack. I immediately chose my favorite song and moved without stretching. I know it'll hurt afterwards but I like it. Is it weird that I like how my body aches after dancing all my worries away? I like doing things that can make me feel. Pain? Anger? Exhaustion? Irritation? Anything. At least I can feel something.