I could still see it somehow... I could still feel its presence... the way I gaze at it before is just the same as I was looking at it now... still dazzling, still astonishing, and still as brilliant as it is... I felt sometimes amazed that I like to make it still and want to look and continue to admire it just like before, but then most of the times, it makes my tears fall, for such brilliance that seems like I couldn’t take to look at it anymore... I hate to accept this, but it’s true that I’m still clinging to its light...
I thought that I’m the only one looking at it, that I’m the only one admiring and wishing for this star to be with me... but how foolish am I to think that way,? How stupid am I to think that I can own such thing from a distant? Yeah... I might really be a fool to wish for such brilliant thing... I’m nothing but lass who kept on dreaming for it... this star, can never be mine right? And neither would I ask it to make me be a part of it... nobody would do such thing... but still realizing that fact, I can’t help myself falling for it... I can’t control this feeling... even with the fact that, that star has no emotion to feel the same way as I did...
The more days passed by, the more I’m clinging to it and the more I’m letting myself near to it... to the point that it burned me and blinded my eyes and feelings... being near to this thing could be the best thing for me, that might be really true to my part of admiring it... but being with it could also break my heart, and blinded me from the reality that all are just an illusion; thus leaving darkness and pain to my life... I can no longer keep it, can i?
Perhaps all I can ever do is let it go... I know that could be the best thing that I can do not only for me but also for the star which I know that was already looking and being attracted to another dazzling star... which by definition could never be me at all... I’m aware of it...
I don’t want to be selfish or be hurt and hate the star which it like... neither, want to be a bitter person crying and begging for one’s affection... I’m not that desperate... but at least... all I wish is a little more time...at least let me continue to gaze this star even from a distant, let me still admire its brilliance and perhaps live with it even in just a dream... let me at least feel that I’m still near to it... that I’m not losing the star which I kept for more than two years...
I will be ok when the time comes my favourite star would be giving its light and brilliance to someone else... I would be fine with that fact...because honestly on the first place, I don’t have the right to demand from it... but maybe, I can’t still assure and say that I would be happy for it... I will not hate them though, but again give me time to move on and feel a little despair... it’s not wrong right? It’s not wrong to give even a little feeling for myself at all...
And if it wasn’t enough, if I wouldn’t have that wish...then let me at least be in darkness... a place where no one could ever see me, a place where no one can ever look the pain inside me... a place where not even a dazzling star like it would ever reach its brilliance to me... so that I wouldn’t hope and be in pain... somewhere where I can hide myself and wear this mask of happiness and contentment, to where, I can wait for the day when I can finally say that I’m happy and ready to see that star again... a star that once I loved and a star that is not really a star but a person that I had wished to have for... someone that would still dazzled in front of me with a smile but will remain as the same star that I admire before...
_to the shooting star_
*10-05-11*
