Redemption [malexmale]

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven

It wasn't even a week that Ambrosius had left, and I still felt like a truck had crashed into me a hundred miles an hour.

I'd never experienced heartbreak before. All the other relationships, if you could call them that, that I had were all very short and sweet and completely sexual. I simply couldn't find it in me to ever truly care for someone enough to have such a painful experience, and now I wished I could return to it. To have known love and have it wrenched away was an unfathomable hopeless and agonizing sensation.

Several times, I debated going after Ambrosius and several times I reminded myself why we'd made this decision in the first place.

If I did something so foolish, Hades would kill me and Ambrosius would be suffering this kind of pain, only ten times worse. Part of me wondered if he was suffering this much right now. I wondered what he was doing, if he was back to the cold unfeeling shell that had first arrived here, or if each morning was one of utter difficulty and misery for him as it was for me.

Each morning, I waited to open my eyes to warm sunshine, a gentle breeze, and the soothing scent of musk and ash. But each morning, the sun burned at my eyes, the breeze was a cold foreboding chill down my spine, and Ambrosius's scent barely lingered on my sheets anymore. It was getting harder and harder to get myself up in the morning.

It was pathetic, and I knew that. I wasn't a child anymore to weep and mope. I had a job to do. I had people to protect. I shouldn't let something like a relationship tear the very fabric of my existence.

But I couldn't help it. I struggled to focus on my paperwork, and it took all my energy to help the souls reach their final destination. So much so that Lucifer requested Raven stay here and do my job for me, which only added to the self-loathing and misery. Raven was practically being punished for my negligence. And even though he brushed it off casually, I knew he had better things to do. He had his own life to live and now he was stuck babysitting his older brother, because that's what this was. Lucifer was using my slacking off as an excuse to send Raven in to watch me.

And maybe it was a good idea.

I was forgetting to eat. The hunger pains were numbed by the pain in my chest and if it wasn't for Raven and Remi, and, Hell, even Castiel popping in every so often, I would have lost a good ten pounds. I thanked them for it, but I also wish everyone would just leave me alone. I didn't want anyone else to see me in this pathetic lump at my desk.

I heaved a heavy sigh, causing the papers on my desk to flutter. I ignored the blinking messages on my new laptop, because I knew they were all from Dania and Alaric, Jaques, Bali, Wednesday all trying to get my attention and cheer me up and while I appreciated their efforts, I wasn't in the mood. There were even a couple from Lucifer, which I also ignored. I only closed my eyes and hit the repeat button on the rich Arabic belly dancing music, imaging the way Ambrosius had danced to it so freely.

The way his hips moved smoothly, eyes watched me hypnotically, hands weaved intricate patterns indicating a story that I never got the chance to ask about. Silky soft black hair, perfect for running my fingers through. The biting sting of his fingernails sinking into my flesh. The warmth of his body against mine, soft full lips pressing against mine.

I was literally making myself ill with misery. I finally shut the music off and dragged myself out of my seat, moving to the windows that had been closed all morning, plunging my office into a dreary darkness. I opened the shutters, allowing bright golden sunlight to flow into the room, causing my antiques and collectibles to glitter and glow. Out in the courtyard, Castiel was trying to clean out the pool when Remi pushed him in and Castiel squealed in fright, flailing and crawling out like a wet cat onto the marble while Remi laughed. Those two were oddly amusing and it almost succeeded in bringing a smile to my face. The door creaked behind me and I turned to see Raven coming in with a small tray of snacks and a very inviting bottle of liquor.