letters to the girl that means a lot to me... no name ofc ;)
I came back from being gone for like a week straight (maybe longer I can't even remember at this point) and found you had a boyfriend. Ronny. I was surprised to say the least. Not because you aren't absolutely stunning, or funny, caring, adorable, understanding, and overall the best person in the world, but because I thought you were mine. Ridiculous I know, you never were and probably never will be mine no matter how much I try, cry, or pray. You make my mind spin, just seeing a message from you makes me squeal like a little girl. My stomache does flips and my throat goes dry when you compliment me my cheeks flush red. I am known as a "player" and I never get nervous around a girl but for some reason around you I feel the need to be my best to impress you. Just seeing a status about me makes me want to run around my house screaming "YES! YES! YES!" because it means I meant enough to you to put me in something special letting all your fans know you talk to ME! of all people. I don't deserve you I admit that but I can't help but work hard so that someday I do.
Seeing you talk with him, him calling you beautiful and flirting with you ached my heart SO much. I felt like it was set on fire while still inside me. I want to call you beautiful I want to be the one to let you know that I missed you when I left. I just got so mad! Mad at the world really, I was just hurt and I was taking it out on you. I talked with Jaybird about why I was so mad at you. I couldn't stand talking with you without feeling the need to cuss you out. I thought I was going insane. Jaybird helped me see I was just jealous (which has never EVER happened before). And I was taking it out on you. Realizing I cared about you WAY too much, I started to distance myself I replied coldly and everything but then I saw how much it was hurting you and I couldn't do it anymore. You are my Princess and I'm your Prince Charming. I did everything I could the other night to make you happy and I finally did. I was all mushy and started to let my feelings show, my mind screamed at me telling me not to cause you would only reject me cause I wasn't good enough but my heart NEEDED to see you smile. The thought of you being sad hurts me so much.
There is just something about you... I can't go a day without thinking about you. Whether it be something else we talked about or your smile or just the simplest things! Seeing the sun makes me think of you because my mind goes straight to your name. Prince's & princess', Romeo & Juilet, Super hero's, just EVERYTHING! comes back to you. I can be sitting in class staring at a pencil and my mind manages to find a reason to think of you. I can't stand how much I need you in my life. I feel like without you I will just die. How I manage to go on my long breaks without having a panic attack about not talking with you I'm not sure. I can tell you any and everything which isn't easy for me. You don't judge me in fact it seems like you like me more for doing so but obviously my mind is making that up cause you have a boyfriend and its not me. It cant be. :\ You make me want to date but at the same time no. I can't risk hurting you. You say I could never but you don't know me well enough :\ I have a bad habit of hurting what is dear to my heart.
I'll probably never post this but its nice to write out why you make my mind go crazy... hell maybe one day we'll look back on this and laugh about how cute it is while we are finally together. Or maybe (WAY more likely) I'll read this in the future and cut to it. :( for never being able to win your heart the way I want to so badly....
I will probably love you forever....