"Nessie" he interrupted "Nessie...its ok" he whispered as he walked closer to me. I felt his eyes on my face as I stood there crying looking at the ground.
He kissed my forehead softly; I didn't want to be tricked again. I couldn't let him be this close to me if it was just another lapse of self control on his part. I stepped back-my eyes still on the ground- he grabbed my hand and matched my step, still remaining the same distance from me.
He took his hand and gently wiped away my tears, placing a soft kiss on my eye lid. I was rigid and self conscience. I'd put my heart out there to be stomped on too many times. I knew I deserved whatever I had coming to me but it was only so much I could physically take.
I tried with little effort to dislodge my hand from his warm hold, but he just held it tighter and pulled me slowly closer to him.
"Jacob..." I began.
"I know..." was all he said; he lifted my face up slowly and -for the second time today- his lips rested tenderly on mine. I didn't move my lips as he laid soft kisses against mine. I couldn't allow myself to fully believe he wanted this; I blamed it on his longing for me i.e. the imprinting.
I wouldn't allow myself to kiss him, knowing that it didn't change anything, knowing that he was just momentarily weak. He was going to regret this, I couldn't deal with this again...I wasn't strong enough.
As these thoughts ran through my mind, I just stood there letting him kiss every inch of my neck, my face, my lips. I had no logic, my main purpose was that I didn't want to fall into this trap again but in all actuality I already had...as soon as my father said Jacob referred to me as his fiancé in his mind.
I needed to know that he forgave me, that he was willing to put all of this behind us. I needed to know that we could build from these mistakes and be happy again, because I couldn't be happy without Jacob. No other emotions besides pain and sorrow existed when I didn't have Jacob with me by my side.
"Nessie, I forgive you" he said simply it was like he read my mind. And for the first time I exhaled, hearing those words sent elation through me. We were finally going to move past this, I went to speak but he continued.
"And I hope you can forgive me...I needed time to think Nessie, and no matter how I try to break it down...I can't keep forcing myself to do what I just cant do" the passion in his eyes pierced straight through me "Being away from you...I can't do"
And that was all I needed to hear. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his face closer to mine so I could finally kiss him. Finally releasing all of my longing and anxiety for him through my lips. There wasn't one thing more precious than this moment, I'd said this before but everything just happened to disappear I couldn't rationalize anything; all I knew was that I was here with Jacob and he wanted-finally- to be here with me.
Jacob picked me up in his arms my lips apparently incapable of leaving his lips. They craved his lips, they wanted to absorb every second every motion of this kiss. My arms were still wrapped around his neck as his arms gripped around my waist firmly. I was so lost in the exhilaration that at first I hadn't noticed Jacob had begun to walk -rather quickly- to his house. It seemed as if no time passed before we slammed through Jacob's front door.
I hadn't noticed the scenery only vaguely realizing we were in Jacob's room. Everything was a complete blur, a total eclipse of the mind. I saw nothing but Jacob's face as my back was being gently placed on his bed.
Quickly scenarios entered my mind. The main scenario; being that Jacob and I were actually going to do this. My heart sputtered, all my anticipation would finally cease today? I didn't know how to react but to just go with it.
We kissed passionately as Jacob unbuttoned my shirt. My mind couldn't help but doubt everything that was happening. We'd come so close so many times but always something was in the way...something made us always contradict what we were wanting so badly to do.
I could hear my cell phone buzz, but I ignored it. My mind was focused on more important things right now. Then Jacob's phone rang, it was almost as if he didn't hear it at all.
Jacob was on top of me as he kissed the nape of my neck, then slowly he kissed my chest, my breast exposed as he flung my bra to the floor. He kissed my lips softly. Our eyes met; a moment went by before Jacob spoke.