The Outcast

Chapter 21: Fish Out of Water

Chapter 21: Fish Out of Water

Nirvana Evans

Time seemed to freeze as I processed what Will had just said to me. Was this really happening? Had I heard him right? But the expression on his face answered all my questions. He looked as though he'd confessed the biggest secret in the world. His eyes were wide open, his mouth was gaping a bit like a fish out of water and he looked as shocked as I was. It was obvious that he hadn't meant to say that but the words had already left his lips and they hung in the air like an unpredicted cloud of rain.

I had no idea what to say as we stared at each other. Will, who'd been my best friend since childhood, had admitted a moment ago to having feeling for me and not just any type of feelings but love specifically. What did one say to that? The news had taken me completely by surprise. Here I was thinking he had been avoiding me because he didn't want to hang out with me when in reality the root of the problem was jealousy. He was actually jealous of River.

"Well this is awkward," Will murmured breaking the impeding silence, "Listen, Nirvana, this wasn't how I planned to tell you. I-oh damn this is all wrong". He ran his hands through his dirty blonde hair in a frustrated manner and continued "Its incredible how I manage to fuck everything up in my path. First I ruined our first kiss and now this. I was waiting for the right moment to tell you the truth about my feelings and yet I couldn't have picked a worse time. I was going to take you out on a romantic diner and confess everything, not shout it out at you in the middle of an ice skating rink".

"I-I don't know what to say, Will" I said feeling lame with my response.

"You could say it back," he joked but I could hear the undertone of seriousness he carried.

"No, it's alright you don't have to say anything. I always knew it was one sided. Unrequited love," he mused.

"Why did you wait so long to tell me?" I asked curiously.

"I couldn't risk ruining our friendship. I figured you didn't feel the same way about me but I had hopes that maybe over time you'd grow to love me too. To be honest, I never wanted to fall in love with you. You're my best friend and love just makes everything more complicated but it happened anyway. You know for a while I thought you knew about my feelings but you were just pretending like you didn't because you didn't want to hurt me," he told me.

"How could I know, Will? We've been friends forever and you've had countless of girlfriends. You're the most popular guy in school and I'm the freak. All the cheerleaders are after you and every girl wants you" how was I supposed to know he liked me when he slept with every girl he thought was hot?

"Except you," he sighed sadly.

"Is that why you like me? Because I'm the only girl who sees past your charm and recognizes your flaws?" I inquired crossing my arms over my chest.

"No! Of course not. I love you because you're you. You're not just another challenge for me you're the girl I love. All those other girls were just distractions," he explained wearing a guilty expression.

"But why me?" that was what I couldn't understand. Why would he want me when he could have any girl he wanted in school?

"What kind of question is that? You're beautiful, intuitive, sarcastically funny, awkwardly cute, unique and way too good for me" he listed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. I didn't know if it had anything to do with his words or if the cold was getting to me but I shivered lightly. Did he really think all of that about me? I didn't even think that highly of myself.

"I'm touched that you think so highly of me-I really am- but you're like a brother to me, Will. You're my best friend and I love you but I'm not in love with you" I said with as much honesty as I could muster. I'd never thought of Will in a romantic way because over the years he'd been more of a brotherly figure to me than anything else. He protected me and teased me like a sibling. But come to think of it I'd never really thought of anyone in a boyfriend type of way.