“Can you sit up for me Delilah?” The nurse asked, I grunted in response, I had no energy and just wanted to go back to sleep, forever. “Can you try for me hun?” She asked, I mumbled a response and with the little ounce of energy in me I attempted to sit. I didn’t get very far and just slumped back into the bed sheets I had been stuck in for the past 3 months. However they did get washed so I guess it could be worse. “Maybe we’ll try again tomorrow?” She asked optimistically.
“Sure.” I weakly spoke.
“Do you feel strong enough to discuss your medication decision with Dr Reid?”
“What’s there to discuss?” I sighed.
“It’s a big decision, don’t you think you should have your parents here to?”
“They wouldn’t come even if I asked.”
“I’m sure that’s not the case.” She smiled sweetly. “Why don’t I give them a call?”
“Whatever.” I replied closing my eyes waiting for her to leave the room. As soon as she had gone I reopened my eyes and looked around the dull room I had been stuck in for longer than the planned several weeks. The flowers my mother bought me a couple weeks ago were beginning to rot on the window sill but I hadn’t gotten out of bed for about a month, I was too weak. The nurses didn’t seem to notice they were there, half the time I felt invisible to them except when they bring food or stab me with needles. I was now used to the pain but I was getting tired of the same old routine, my life was going nowhere, it didn’t look like I was getting out of here anytime soon and I was sick of it. I was sick of being left alone with only my thoughts every day, no-one came to visit except my mum once a week for about half an hour, she didn’t like seeing me lifeless on the bed but it’s not my fault, I’ve tried so many times to get up and get out but I can’t. The stupid injections have taken their toll on me, they’re supposed to help me but right now it feels like the opposite.
“Delilah Hunny, Dr Reid is here, with your parents.” The nurse announced as she held open the door. I turned slowly to look at the clock, I had fallen asleep for another four hours, I loved to sleep but not here, I slept here because there wasn’t nothing else to do and I had no energy to do anything, I was losing my mind.
“How are you baby girl?” My dad asked as he kissed my forehead. I hadn’t seen him in so long I thought he had forgotten he even had a daughter, well at least that’s what it seemed like.
“O-kay.” I croaked out.
“Would you like to take a seat.” Dr Reid spoke towards my parents. “So we can discuss Delilah’s decision.” He continued. My parents took a seat near the coffee table whilst Dr Reid remained stood up near the side of the bed. “Have you spoken to your parents at all?” I merely shook my head in response. “Okay…” He replied uneasily. “Well first of all I should ask if you’ve changed your mind.”
“No, I haven’t.” I quickly answered.
“I know we’ve had a long discussion about this, but are you 100% sure?”
“110%.” I concluded.
“What’s going on?” My mum interrupted.
“Well, Delilah as you can see has become very weak from the medication, it will take a long time to get her well again, however Delilah feels it isn’t working for her, this environment isn’t right for her and she no longer wishes to stay.”
“What do you mean she no longer wishes to stay?” My mum intruded.
“I’m afraid there is no easy way to say this…” Dr Reid trailed off.
“I’m not going to have any more medication.” I finished for him.
“Wh-hat?” She asked completely confused. “What does this mean? Are you going to use a different treatment?” She was firing questions without letting herself breathe.
“No.” I stated.
“I don’t understand.” She whimpered out, I could feel my heart being torn into pieces but I had to do what was best for me. “You can’t do this.” She cried.
“I can mum, you don’t understand.” I replied shaking.
“Can I talk to her alone?” She asked indicating for the others to leave. After they left she ran up to my bed, and just stared at me, not knowing what to say. “Please don’t tell me you’re just giving up?” She pleaded, the tears were falling down her face, I would have hugged her and wiped them away if I wasn’t weighed down by my own body weight.