Chapter Four
I was standing behind her, as she strolled away from me, her only child. She'd just left me with one of her friends. I tried to call for her, but no sound came out of my mouth. I was desperately trying to gain her attention. I ran in front of her, waving my arms frantically in front of her face. I couldn’t let her get away, not this time! I was chasing after her, when I stopped, right in front of my Mum. She passed through me, as though I wasn’t there, like I was invisible. I shuddered. Her ghostly pale face remained still and expressionless. I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, she had loved me once, but now I wasn’t so sure. Was I so unimportant to her that she could just up and leave?
She’d originally left me outside a door. I looked around; the place was vaguely familiar. The ten little potted plants lined up on the porch window; three blue, purple and white pansies in brightly painted pots either end and three slightly smaller aloe vera. In the middle was a completely unique, individual flower I thought I had never seen, but it seemed familiar, like a face that you know but can't quite put your finger on it. Then it hit me; I suddenly realised that I was thinking of Brian's house.
***
I jumped up out of bed when my phone rang.
“Hello?” I asked. It was unusual to get texts this early in the morning.
“Hi – it’s me.” It was Ron. He sounded worried.
“Oh, hi! Sorry, my phone didn’t recognise your number. What’s up?” I said casually.
“Not much. How are you, though?”
“Fine, thanks; shouldn’t I be?”
“Well…I just thought, you know, ‘cause it’s Jess’ birthday and all…”
I sighed. Of course I knew what day it was. How couldn't I see this coming? It was my best friend's birthday. That is, my ex-best friend.
“Thanks for asking. Got to go.”
We'd made plans to spend the entire day together, starting with a massive shopping trip in London. Then, we were going to a movie premiere together. And finally, a sleepover at her house where we would stay up until the next day and have a midnight feast and all the traditional sleepover-y things. But I guessed that wasn't going to happen, and I didn’t particularly want to be reminded about it, so I hung up.
And I was half right. It did happen, but Tana took my place. I couldn't decide whether I should send her a 'Happy Birthday!' text. I suppose Tana had done that as well.
In a few days time, it would be my Birthday, too. I hated my Birthday. It always reminded me of my Mother; after all, she gave birth to me. That's why we never celebrated it. Well, at least I didn't . Brian never really got me. He wouldn't understand why I wouldn't want to celebrate my 15th Birthday. And he certainly never understood why it would remind me of the woman who gave me up when I was a baby.
I casually glanced to my window, and to my amazement, could see that snow had fallen. I don't know why, but that lifted my mood. Plus the fact I didn't have to see Jess with Tana at school. I stepped outside and stared at the shocking beauty of the surreal white landscape, wrapped in several layers of clothes and wearing my wellingtons.
The swirling of the snow was almost hypnotic, as I stood there in that unfamiliar and somewhat extra-ordinary situation, and somehow encouraged me to delve deeper in to my thoughts and memories, as it felt like the rest of the world lay dormant, and I was in my own, private winter wonderland with no-one to disturb me.
