The Water Boy (Narry)

Chapter 22

Yes. 

No, say it out loud, you fool. 

Y-E-S

It's not that hard of a word to say.

Do you like pizza?

Yes. 

See?

Do you like Harry?

Yes. 

I had to really register everything that just happened. Over and over again, I had to remind myself that I let my thoughts finally get the best of me to the point where my mind won and set my secret free. In a perfect scenario, Harry would have kissed me back. But this wasn't perfect. It was awkward, nerve-wracking, and stressful. I felt like I was going to be ill and not in a good way. If butterflies actually could live in my stomach, the acid would surely kill them. This wasn't how I wanted my first, ever, kiss to go. Yeah, I knew I was inexperienced but I never wanted Harry to know that. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be brave. Maybe it would have helped if he just kissed me back. He didn't kiss me. I kissed him. Does this count as my first kiss? What about his? I wanted to shake my head but I still hadn't answered Harry's question and there was no point in lying to him about it now. It happened and I guess it was about time that it needed to. I just wish I had more time to prepare myself for it. 

I couldn't dare utter out the 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to'' line because, well I was sorry, but I obviously meant to on some level because there I went off and kissed the lad. My lips didn't tingle from the kiss itself. I think all the embarrassed blood rushed to the perpetrator: my mouth. The instigator was already having a whirlwind of punishment, giving me a headache.

He was still here with me. He didn't push me off or leave.There wasn't even crude name-calling. He didn't get angry. He pretty much let me do what I felt that I needed to do. Maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe he would just shake it off and move on with his life. He didn't need to dwell on the fact that his new shy friend had kissed him. 

For the first time since Harry has sat down next to me, I slowly turned my head to look at him, my eyes and throat heavy from trying not to cry again. I would enjoy being comforted by him again but I didn't know if he would ever want to touch me after what I had done.  

He was looking at me, his eyes slightly glancing down to the platform of the bleachers. I wondered what was going his through his mind about the kiss so maybe I should have asked him. That might help me out in whether or not I could just let him know that I did think of Harry as more than just my friend. He was my infatuated fantasy that I learned to keep locked away like a princess in a tower. 

"You know, I just started thinking about all the things the guys have ever said about you and I always just shook it off because I was disgusted that they would make such a joke of something that is a part of people being who they are." He shook his head and let out a sharp breath through his nose and then swallowed. "Then I started to try and connect the things you've said about your relationship with your brother and father; that you're not close with either of them really."

Harry paused again, seeming to have a difficult time talking about whatever was going on in his mind with me. His fingers were cold and trembling as they brushed over the back of my hand the entire time he spoke, like he was trying to grab a hold of it but he was just too scared to. 

"Maybe you kissed me because I was showing you that I cared. I was giving you this feeling that you've been searching for ever since they've left you. You haven't had that in a really long time and you should have that all the time because I don't see anything about you that's worth abandoning you over. I don't know." He shook his head again as his voice became softer and softer.