Please critique. I don't care how harsh. I'm new to writing poetry and this poem just felt right in some areas and weak in other areas.
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If I be your jack, would you be my rose?
Holding hands as the boat sinks below
Can we last a life time until the day we die?
Can I be the one to wipe away those tears as you cry?
I want to be the one who you obsess about
The one you can't go a day without
I want to be the one who makes you smile
I want to be the one who makes your heart beat race a mile
I want to be the guy you tell your friends about
I want to be the guy who you dream about
We can hold hands and cuddle all day
Watch some movies and sleep the hours away.
I'll love you forever if you just love me back
Ill defend you whenever you're under attack
If you don't believe me, give me a chance and I'll show you
I can be the guy who completely understands you,
Maybe one day we will be together and it'll be great
I'll be that guy to bring you on that once in a life time special date.
