Chapter 40

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Chapter 40

I smiled at him. We just got married, for heaven's sake!

"Are you happy?" he asked me. Ngumiti lang ako sa kanya. Words can't suffice what I was feeling at that moment. I held his hand tighter and intertwined our fingers. 

Sabay kaming naglalakad pabalik sa sasakyan. Kahit pa sabihin nila na civil wedding lang ang mayroon kami, kasal pa rin kami. Iyon lang naman ang importante sa akin, e.

"Saan tayo pupunta?" I asked him. Patuloy lang siya sa pagddrive, I didn't push it. Ang mahalaga sa akin, kami na ang magkasama habang buhay. 'Yun lang naman ang importante, 'di ba?

Minutes after driving around, nakarating kami sa bahay nila. Sobrang nostalgic ng pakiramdam. Parang biglang bumalik lahat ng high school memories ko ngayon. Dati kasi nung pumupunta ako dito, puro masasakit na alaala lang 'yung natatandaan ko... Siguro nga tama sila all along, nagkukunwari lang akong okay pero ang totoo, miss na miss ko na si Drake.

He stopped the car momentarily. 

"Bakit tayo nandito?" I asked him. Instead of answering my question, he just smiled at me and kissed my cheek.

Sabay kaming lumabas ng sasakyan. Kahit kailan hindi ko pa naranasan mapagbuksan ng pinto ng sasakyan ni Drake. I don't know, it's just not his cup of tea. He's a gentleman but not to that extent. I remember dati lagi kong kinukumpara si Drake kay Tripp. When I was with Tripp, I was a princess. All things were prepared before me. Kumbaga, wala na akong kailangang gawin. Nandyan na lahat, e. Pero kay Drake? I have to work hard. I used to hate that about him, pakiramdam ko kasi wala siyang pakielam sa akin... 

But then I asked him why. Napapangiti na lang ako kapag naaalala ko.

"Why would I? You're not invalid, Alys. You're independent. I trust you enough to let you do things on your own. You may think that I don't give a damn but really, I do. You just don't see it but I am always watching over you. It's fucking corny but I always do."

And when he said that, I felt good about myself. Maaring nasayang yung years na hindi kami magkasama but in reality, being apart did us good. Mas naging independent ako, mas nakilala ko yung sarili ko. Isa sa mga kinatatakutan ko na nangyari sana ay yung nawala yung tunay na Alys dahil sa na in love siya kay Drake. Ayoko nun. I want to be myself while being in love with him.

What would love bring us if along the process, we would lose ourselves? Wasn't that deception? Making yourself believe that you're just in love when in reality, yes you are but where's the sense? You're not yourself anymore... And it's painful. Nagmahal ka nga, nagbago ka naman... I just can't see the sense.

"Bakit tayo nandito?" I asked him habang naglalakad kami.

"I'll introduce you," he simply said. I could feel his hand getting colder every second. Kinakabahan siya... Kinakabahan din ako pero alam kong kaya namin 'to. We've been through the worst, I'm sure we could handle this.

Nakapasok na kami sa bahay nila at naabutan namin si Ethos na naglalayo kasama yung mga kaibigan niya.

"Where's dad?" asked Drake. Tinuro lang ni Ethos yung receiving area nila. Drake nodded at him. He was about to start walking when Ethos tugged on his pants. "Why?" he asked him, looking down.

"The old hag is also here."

Old hag? Was he referring to me?

Natigilan si Drake. He looked at me and motioned me to sit. 

"Stay and wait for me," he said and then abruptly walked away. Nakatingin ako habang naglalakad siya palayo. Why do I feel bad about this?

I was on my reverie when Ethos nudged me.

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