I've decided that hell isn't exactly a place you go when you die. It does exist though, don't get me wrong, I fully believe that it does, just, its not for bad souls or whatever.
See, I live there, in hell, and its a very common place known as Kansas. Although, I'm not sure if the entirty of Kansas counts, maybe its just my town, after all, I shouldn't discredit the entire state for one person's life.
Actually, I'll restate that again, maybe.. its just my house. Hell is there, burning me day and night. Oh no, its not the kind of burn that leaves scars. No, that would be too obvious, no one would want for people to know where I lived, in that hell hole.
No, this is the kind of burn that is invisible. The kind that lives in your mind, eating away at your thoughts until you can't stand another moment within your body.
What do you do then?
Well, its obvious isn't it? You try to get out of yourself. Be someone else, even if its just for a moment. You know, people say I'm a great actress, think I have some real talent. I don't see it, but.. if it's really there, then it must come from somewhere, and I think I know where.
"Jen!" The call came from my computer, I'd almost forgotten that I had Skype up.
The paper sitting before me, what I'd been trying to focus on, continued to just be a bunch of letters in my mind. Sighing softly I looked to where I could see a square on the computer screen. Lyle refuses to put up a picture as an avatar, saying that if I were going to see him, then it would be in real life and not some digital image. I tried convincing him to just do some random picture then, like a flower or something, but... he can be a bit stubborn.
"Hm?" I mumbled back, reaching for my mouse as I realized I was still on mute.
See, I did that a lot. Left myself on mute, when silence sweeps over the calls, I tend to turn on my music. Lyle hates what I listen to, says its sad and depressing, so I've learned to keep it off when he can hera, or make it so he can't hear when I do have it on.
"Are you even listening?" He grumbled, and I could imagine some kind of annoyance on his face. "I said I might be able to come into town next week."
That caught my attention. A thin smile flashed across my face as I quickly unmuted myself, wanting to calm him so he'd give the details.
"Really?! That's amazing!"
"Yeah," He said, voice a bit different now, slightly breathy. "Boss is sending me on a trip to put together a story. Says he wants the real deal on that buisness with the shooting in Huester Lake."
"Huester is only a mile from here." I gushed, sitting up a bit straighter. "When? Do you know the day? I-"
"Monday," He cut in, and I could imagine him rolling his eyes. "I'll have more details in a few days."
I hesitated, glancing towards the door as I imagined my parents reaction to this, what would they say if I told them I was planning on meeting a guy who lived at least a state away. A college student, at least six years older than me. Would they freak? You bet. Probably a bigger fight than I'd ever seen would be the result.
But then... who said they had to know?
"I can't wait. I can't believe that we'll fi-"
"Jennifer! Get you're ass down here this instant!"
I winced, glancing at the computer and reaching for the mouse almost instinctively. "Got to go, talk to you later?"
"Yeah, be careful. Don't let them walk all over you like you normally do, they're not you."
"...I know. I'll try. Goodbye..."
I was barely able to force myself to click the hang up, watching as Skype beeped and the picture dropped from view. Sighing to myself I closed the textbook laid out before me and stood, taking my time as I started towards my bedroom door.
"Coming!" I called back, picking up the speed a little as I caught the anger in my Dad's voice.
Out in the hall I crossed over to the railing, once again marveling over the fact that the world around me didn't seem to reflect how it felt. My own personal hell looked like a mansion, complete with the large staircase and the balcony overlooking the entry-way. At the bottom of the stairs stood Dad, his face twisted in a fierce scowl as he glared up at me.
"What the hell are you doing? I told you to come here, that doesn't mean just stand around like an idiot. Do I need to explain what come means?"