Do You Realise?

“I know what I want but, let’s face it. I need you more than you need me.”

I’d never been so honest in my life. It turned my stomach to say it, but we both knew I was right. I couldn’t lift my eyes to hers; instead I brought myself to my feet and stared out of the ocean again. I breathed with the waves, steadying my heartbeat. It seemed like an age before I’d collected my thoughts. I turned to tell her goodbye, but she had already gone. I watched her disappear in the distance before turning back to the sea.

”Goodbye,” I told the waves. “I really hope we never do meet again.”

~

She used to watch me in the most curious way. She could sit for several minutes just staring, her face bearing a slightly mischievous smile. I would never know what she was thinking in those moments, but I had the feeling she got that way when she felt like there wasn’t a thing in the world she could love more. Soon, the same smile would have grown on my face as well and I would make her wait before turning to meet her gaze.

If I was taking too long, she would breathe the smallest sigh in the world. The effect would bring God to his knees, as she would then slip her hand into mine and squeezing softly as if she was making sure there was still life in me.

My heart would sink, swell, beat and sink again. I could have lived on those moments. I would turn my head to meet hers, being careful to keep my eyes down on our hands and avoiding her gaze. Our foreheads would meet and she would giggle a little before bending lower to catch me out. It’s then that I would finally stare straight back, into these cloudy-blue eyes that I would lose myself in. Moving in closer, our noses would touch and she would bring my head level again, neither blinking nor glancing away.

That same mischievous smile would catch me out again and I would close my eyes, as if wanting to store that picture in my mind forever. My thumb would run down her cheek towards the corner of her lips as my own caught the other corner of her mouth. My eyes would open again to find her brushing hair away from my forehead and cocking her head sideways as if trying to understand the reason why I kept it like that.

Then, like nothing had happened, my eyes and thoughts would wander away again. As if to try and understand why she stuck around.