I'm Smiling At Everything - TO BE UPDATED NOV 13TH

I'm Smiling At Everything - Chapter Six

Chapter 6

2 Months Later

Valarie’s P.O.V

My hand inched toward the phone that lay on the counter top. I pulled my hand back, shifting my position on the couch inside the tour bus. It had been nearly four months since I’d spoken to my mother. I longed for someone to talk to about swollen ankles, back pains and midnight cravings but I still couldn’t forgive what she had tried to do four months ago. I absently rubbed my stomach. My baby bump was noticeable now, but I avoided baby talk like the plague.

I had made the decision, even after all the complications that almost killed me, to keep the baby growing inside me. Thankfully, I’d avoided the gender topic until now. I was out of hospitals for now, but doctors where still keeping tabs for me and at every stop I had to see a doctor to see how things were going on the inside.

My thoughts trailed back to Jack. The last time I’d seen him he was confined to a hospital bed with Cass watching my every move through the half closed shutters. I wondered if he ever thought of me, his pregnant girlfriend who didn’t know what to do with her life. Tour buzz had kicked in once again and brought a wave of relief and fresh emotions with it. I felt less down, but that empty bunk where Jack should have been still held a heavy weight over all of us.

For now, we’d replaced him with a guy named Daniel Dyson, and old high school friend of mine. He’s a fantastic guitarist, but he just didn’t quite fill the void. The fans of course, had their own views of the situation, but we told them all we knew; Jack has lost his memory and we didn’t know when he was coming back.

Being pregnant while on tour had its ups and downs, but mostly downs. There was the morning sickness that would leave me hurling in the only bathroom that twelve of us had to share and the constant requests for someone to rub my aching feet. Everyone did their bit to help though, and I learned very quickly to appreciate any action to help out hormonal, emotional me.

Alex sat beside me, watching my every move. He and Sam had made up after she knocked on Jack’s door last month apologizing and begging for him to come back. He did, but not before he made her apologize to me. Strangely her apology was more sincere than I was expecting, and so far she had been the biggest help I’d had. She sat across from me, massaging my feet.

“Have you called her yet?” Alex asked.

I shook my head. We both knew I wanted to call her but I couldn't bring myself to punch in the numbers and hear her voice. I wanted to tell her everything that had happened since I’d hobbled out of the hospital on my broken leg, but a part of me told me never to forgive her. But was what she had almost done really so wrong? I didn’t want to think about it.

The tour bus lurched to a stop and I looked out the window to see an orange sky as the sun sunk over the horizon. From the hungry look on Daniel’s face I could tell we’d stopped for dinner. It was at one of our usual haunts, a restaurant bar that sold only chicken schnitzel with the best beer-battered chips I’d ever tasted.

I slunk into a seat between Zack and Alex and waited for my meal to be brought out. I felt my mouth water as I thought of chicken nuggets dipped in maple syrup and topped with pickles, but pushed the thought out of my head. Alex offered to buy me a drink, but I shook my head and asked for a glass of water. My party girl lifestyle had been put on hold; the baby growing inside me took priority now.

I let my imagination run wild when thinking about my child. I imagined him or her opening their eyes for the first time, taking their first steps, speaking first words, losing their first tooth. But in a mind full of firsts, it always wandered back to Jack, my real first. The distance we’d made from him hurt, but was also a release from all the emotions we had cooped up in that hospital.  The further away I was, the less I felt like I couldn’t live without him.