I am single, but not ready to mingle. I have lived for 21 years in this world, but never found love. Of course, you have the love of your family, but in a way, not the same. Not the same. Makes one wonder. Why?
When I was a kid, I grew up in a patriotic way of the American life style. It was the 90s so things were still somewhat old fashion when it comes to activities boys did baseball and football. As for girls, they did ballet and cooking, you know girly stuff. As an American kid of course, girls were gross and had cooties. I continued that belief and stayed away from girls and always hang out with boys. Of course when I reached my teens it changed.
When I was in Hong Kong and in high school, I did my part in noticing girls and wanted the feeling to be in a relationship with one. However, my high school was harsh and cruel, girls only went for the smart and the handsome. Most of them weren’t the type to look past the looks. Or was this just how I see it, was it just me who didn’t understand, am I just too shy and get too nervous when it comes to talking to one. Must be, funny how things works in private schools. Even though I had my friends with the same interests, I was a ghost in the school, an unloving ghost. As I moved on to College in the states, I tried again, but still failed, even when it was a place where nobody knew me, and I used a different approach. No, I still fail even girls are friendlier in college, but when it comes to relationships they might as well be snobs. At least to me they were, or is it just I don’t have the charm and the ability to know how to act. Guess not, I came to terms with that and just hang out with my guy friends and work. I never looked at love anymore.
As I grew older, so did my friends. Slowly, one by one they got into relationships, while I stood alone in the dark. One by one asks me.
“You gonna get a girlfriend?” or “When are you gonna get a girlfriend?” or “Look at her, she’s hot.”
My answers always seem to be the same; probably will be always the same.
“I’m not interested.” Or, shrugs
But more and more friends couldn’t hang out because they need to spend more time in the relationship and make it work. Don’t get me wrong, I do understand and it makes perfect sense. I know how to entertain myself, masturbating isn’t one of them don’t be sick. I guess in the dark I can create, but unable to share. Maybe I was meant to spend my life alone with my business. God knows.
It was until I was at the vet one day, because my dog ate something bad on the streets, which hit me. A man ran in with his dog in his arms.
“Can you help my dog first, he’s not moving at all.” He begged the nurse.
Of course she said yes. But the woman, the man’s wife, it what broke everyone’s heart in the waiting room.
“Oh god! Please help her! She’s too young! She can’t die! She’s always been very good!” she wails traveled to everyone’s now heavy hearts and giving them thoughts of what will happen when they’re dog dies.
“Oh my god.” One sobs.
“Poor thing.” Another wipes her eyes.
“Honey you remember how our first dog died.” The woman told her husband while hugging her dog.
Though my brain and my knowledge said, show sympathy, image that was your dog, cry. My heart was not heavy at all I did not feel sympathy or sadness for that owners dog, even I knew I should. But I didn’t. Makes you wonder. Am I cold hearted?
Looks like it…