Wattpad's Dirty Little Secrets

R.I.P English Language

Please read this. It's going to save you a lot of confusion in the future.  

Hey everyone, I've just got a few quick things to say.  

[1] Shaba Smith was actually my pen name -I'd been using it for a couple of years now. But I recently felt the need to stop using it, and as a result of that, decided to use my real name on the website [my last name will remain anonymous].  

[2] My name is Victoria but feel free to shorten it. It's okay if you sometimes call me Shaba. Many of you have known me by the name for a while now, but Victoria would be much appreciated.  

[3] My username changed from Shaba_Smith to Imploding-Hearts and if you have any questions about all of this, just send me a message and I’ll try and answer your questions.   Thank you all for your support.

 

 

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Priasi, get youre hass down eyre, my mother say as she scream on top of her lunged.

Im comin u biatch. I have 2 find cleann underwhere. I scramed back at her fat head.

We have to go to the mall. She said. Get down esle ill beat up youre ass.

i look though all my drawings & fuound my underwhere. It had pink pokka-dotts & prurple stripes on it.

hahaahaaaaa.

Justin beebieber came up & began singingnign babbbbbbyyyyy ooooooooohhhhh!!!!

Eyeah!

So i went down and went wthi my fat mama to da shops, where I see my man, crispy turkey, making out with dat fat biatch, lisa. How dares he. And 1d kissed me & said i is beautfuul and kind & smrat. and ma underwhere stank.

Eewww.

Ladies and gentlemen, do you hear that. *Pauses for a few seconds.* That is the sound of William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Jane Austen and other significant writers in human history screaming and crying in their graves.

You know what, let’s hold a funeral for the English language. Yeah, let’s do it.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Dear English Language. I’m so sorry it has come to this, but it seems you have died thanks to the never ending flock of humans who don’t know how to use you properly. So toodles, and see you on the other side.

Words cannot even describe the experience I just had, writing that piece of shit, in bold, down. I literally had to sit down and think of how to make it look bad. It was like looking through my maths textbook all over again.

It’s hard to believe people write like this.

I have a ten year old brother who writes better than that. And you know what’s annoying, there are many, many “writers” on Wattpad who write shitty stories like that, and somehow become popular. I watch as people praise their work, even going further to say it’s going to be the next “Romeo and Juliet” or “Pride and Prejudice”, while I sit there thinking: Really?! Bitch, really?!

A fifth grader can write better than half the people on this website and those who probably can’t write to save their life, are receiving accolades. Maybe my teachers spent over fifteen years teaching me the wrong version of the English language, because let’s be honest, I have no idea what is going on.

And when these authors receive criticism for their bad language and grammar, they complain saying things such as: “I didn’t have time to edit.” “People like my work and it’s popular unlike yours.”

Woah, hang on a moment.

How long does it take to use frigging spell check? Microsoft did you a damn favour installing spellcheck in Word. Learn to fucking use it.

Secondly, just because your work is popular, doesn’t mean it’s going to be immortal and guarantee you a spot as the next Shakespeare. And taking a dig at someone because you’re more popular than them? That’s low and stupid.

Thirdly, I can’t stand it when people say, “Why on earth are you complaining about someone’s grammar. Mind your own business.”

Let’s see, if you had an assignment to hand in, would you hand it in with over a hundred spelling and grammar errors?! I think not! So what makes you think you can do that shit with your stories over the internet. Sometimes, publishers look for talented authors on Wattpad. Imagine the look on their face when they see your shitty work. Yeah, just picture that for a moment.

I also can’t stand it when the author says, “You don’t know my story, so don’t judge it.”

Really, bitch, really?! Your story is on the internet for everyone to see, read and critique, so you know what, we WILL judge it. If you have a fucking problem with it, don’t post your work on the internet for everyone to read. Use your common sense.

There are people on Wattpad whose first language isn’t English and guess what, they put the writers whose first language is English, to shame.

If someone who doesn’t know English that well is better at the language than you, who was brought up learning and speaking the language, you really need to re-evaluate your skills in that language and try to get better at it.

So yeah, on behalf of the good writers on this site, we say sorry to the English language, for its misuse by “writers” who know no better.

Rest In Paradise.