Chapter 1 January
If dreams are a manifestation of some deeper meaning in life than I am truly shallow. In most of my dreams I'm standing in a crowded board room presenting models of innovative new architectural designs----- my admiring onlookers applauding and offering congratulatory handshakes. Naturally at some point during the dream Prince walks in wearing nothing but purple heels and starts singing ‘Adore’. My favorite dream is the one where I’m flying around the Empire State Building wearing vintage couture posing mid flight to be photographed by paparazzi. But this dream is different because I'm not showing off or seeking approval. In this dream I’m sitting in an all white hospital room surrounded by family and friends. I’m holding a chubby brown baby boy and I feel elated about having him in my arms, excited to be a mom---- which is odd because I’ve always thought of kids as a distraction a hiccup in the road to success. But looking down at the tiny brown bundle so warm and soft, I think maybe I was wrong, maybe being a mom wouldn’t be so bad. I turn to my family expecting to see disapproval but there’s none. However, when I return my gaze to the baby he’s gone and my heart is broken.
Wake up Leila!” My mother Dana says shaking my bed. I wake up startled and quickly swipe at the tears that roll down my cheeks.