An Ugly Girl

I’ve tried to count my strengths

Tried to hold my own

I’ve got my shares of scars, bruises, and mistakes

I’ve got a jar of regrets

Somewhere in my closet

Right next to the secrets

Where the monsters lurk about

I’m not sure who I am

Or if that matters anymore

Or if I give a damn

About anything in this big stupid hellish world

I’m not sure how I do it

How I manage to pick up the pieces

Of my heart and mind and soul

Like broken bits of glass littered on the dirty floor

Or how I act like I don’t care

When boys tease or laugh or ignore me

Because I disgust them and I’m strange

And sometimes they just stare

How I laugh it off and fight straight on

And keep my head up high

How I reply sarcastically

How I manage not to cry

Because every time they look at me

A small part of me dies

I’m not sure if there’s anything left,

I’ve died so many times

The worst part is how I know

What thoughts are going through their mind

“She’s weird”

“Annoying”

“Know-it-all”

“Goth”

“Emo”

“Crazy”

“She has issues”

“Scary”

“Awkward”

“Bothersome”

Thinking about it I almost laugh

But don’t because my ribs might crack

For all the pressure bottled up

Because I’m afraid to show emotion

I might choke up

I might throw up

I might just convulse with all the pain and die

But I don’t want to be a bother to anyone

Not anyone in the world

Because if I can bear all the pain… maybe everyone else can be happy

The truth is…

Even though I act so strong

I truly feel like such an ugly girl.