Day and Night

Ch. 18 Say Something

*And I am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all*

                               -A Great Big World *Say Something*

Chapter 18

I don’t want to be here anymore. At the beach, on this vacation. I just want to go home and put an end to this summer. I never thought so much could happen in such a short amount of time. I need to get out of here soon before something else bad happens. No matter how desperate I am to get away, though, there is still a piece of me that’s terrified that once I leave I won’t see Dace again. I used to think that he and the others would always be apart of my life, but what if they aren’t? Without my mom around, who was the main link between our families, and without me dating Wes there isn’t much reason for me to hang around their house anymore. And with Dace going to college…well, what if I never see him? Maybe I should be relieved, but I’m not. No matter how much I hate him right now, I still love him. I’m pathetic.

Getting out of bed seems like more work then its worth, but I’ll be damned if I let him see how much this is affecting me. If he never cared about me then I’m going to do everything in my power to convince him that I didn’t care about him either. Even though I’m resolved to being totally stoic about the whole thing I still can’t get the image of Dace and Maya embracing on the porch out of my head. Each time the picture flashes through my mind it’s like being doused in cold water. The only thing keeping me from losing it is the numbness still spreading throughout my body. The hollow nothingness that I feel is a million times worse than any pain could ever be.

After that day I walked in on Wesley and that girl I thought that would definitely be the worst moment of my life. So many years on a guy I really loved all thrown away with just a kiss. You would think that Dace kissing someone else wouldn’t affect me nearly as much since we had never even dated officially yet somehow it hurts so much worse. And now even though just the thought of seeing him makes me feel sick I’ve finally decided to grow up. I can’t avoid my problems or try to run away from them the way I normally do. Sure, I might not be up for casual conversation with him just yet, but I’m done being afraid.

So, I force myself to get up and get ready to face the day. I keep my head held high as I walk downstairs, on the lookout for Dace. The only person I find, though, is Wesley. He greets me with a smile that is way too cheery for the mood I’m in.

“Morning,” he says and I mumble the same. He doesn’t seem to notice my bad mood or maybe he thinks it’s because I just woke up. I suppose I’m normally this grumpy in the mornings unless it’s like Christmas or something.

“So I talked to Dace,” Wes continues. My pulse quickens at just the mention of his name, how did I never notice how much I liked him? It seems obvious now that it’s too late.

“About?” I ask. I really hope he’s not referring to what I saw last night. By the look Wesley gives me, I don’t think so.

“About what we were talking about last night? I told him that if he really wanted you then to go for it,” Wesley tells me and I drop my gaze.

“Oh,” I whisper while staring a hole into the white tile.

“I thought I would at least get a smile or something,” Wes says, shaking his head. “Although, compared to Dace you’re outright cheerful. He acted like I killed his dog or something.”

“What did he say?”

“Not much, but his face got all pale and then he just took off. Did something happen between you guys since last night? I thought you’d both be happy,” Wes replies.