Chapter 34. The Time for Goodbyes.
It is a very strange phenomenon, the decent after the climax point. At the time, in the moment, it all goes by so quickly and yet it is strong and consuming. It’s almost hard to believe. In the next hour, in the days that follow, the moment, the action, and the purpose begins to fade too. Events blur, feelings change and it all becomes very dream-like. The connections grow thinner, the tug on your heart becomes softer, but in the back of your mind you know the day will come when there is nothing emotionally connective about it. It becomes fact.
The days that followed the night of the first task, where hazy like this too. The school seemed bleaker, and yet no one remarked about this. We all went along with our business; the horrors remained untouched and unspoken.
I still thought about it though. For me, what had unfolded was far too big and too strong to oppress or dismiss. Accepting, is the first step to recovery or so it is said, so I tried my hardest to reflect on the horrors and revelation as if they were simply, solid fact.
Professor Moody, my Defense against the dark arts teacher for the entire year was not who we all thought he was. The whole deal, left me, and almost everyone else in the school feeling uneasy and violated for a while, but now, of course, it was just becoming an unfortunate fact. He was really Barty Crouch jr, loyal follower of he-who-must-not-be-named. It was him who had put young Harry’s name into the goblet of fire, putting him in great dangers, all a part of grand scheme to restore his master to power.
And he had succeeded. The Dark Lord was back, and he had killed Cedric Diggory This news was probably the hardest to swallow, but I knew it was a pill we’d all have to choke down fast. I knew, very well, that this only way to build up our immune system, our defense, and this was a clear fact too.
There were a few other things that unfolded that fateful night too. One, of them being the return of the notorious Sirius Black.
I smirked as I recalled what happened during those late hours, how I’d watched with Snape as the black dog who sat loyally at Harry’s bedside, transformed into the famous serial killer, Sirius Black. I recalled my instant horror and fear. How I was to numb to even withdraw my wand although my natural instinct was demanding I curse the man profusely. I remembered how Snape’s eyes narrowed with the plainest case of hatred I have ever looked upon. I recalled how they were forced to shake hands by Professor Dumbledore, who insisted now they were on the same side. I remembered how Hermione had to pull me aside in my stunned terror and explain to me all that happened the previous year, and that Sirius, the renowned killer, was actually innocent.
Begrudgingly, suspiciously, I agreed to this fact, but I made a mental note to get Remus to explain it to me later.
And of course there were the simple, seemingly juvenile facts like that George had a really hot brother, a funny mother, and the fact that I still had affections for the goofy prankster.
And then there was the biggest, boldest most undisputable fact yet. Severus Snape, a death eater, a spy, the bravest man I had ever known, and I was in love with him.
I shivered in the cold as I thought about this fact alone. I let myself return to the present, taking a few moments to settle my breathing. It was three in the morning of the last day of school. My last day at Hogwarts School of witch craft and Wizardry.
I pulled the dark green covers closer to my trembling body. I cried too, just simply thinking of him. I cried for both love, and for fear. Fear for this love, which was hard and rough and consuming. And also fear just for him and his safety.
It had been several days and I had not seen or heard from him. The last time I had seen him, was back on that strange night, where he had simply, been sent off by Dumbledore to embark on some “secret” task.
But I knew what he was doing. He was returning to the dark lord, at great personal risk, to spy for Albus Dumbledore and the resistance.
But I knew what it meant for him if his true allegiance was discovered. Death. That was assured and probably the most merciful of all things that would happen to him. I couldn’t help but worry. I couldn’t help but let the tears fall.