My untitled deed. The deed that caused me to go insane. The one that I was never proud of but never regretted. Why can't I regret it? It wasn't right. Your scream. A scream that shouldn't have come out. It shouldn't have come out. But I let it. I caused it. I still don't believe that I did it. I'm still hoping it was all a dream. All pretend. But no. It wasn't. I did it. It was real. More real than anything I've ever done. And I know there's a hell far deeper for people like me. If there are any. It burns hotter. It tries to scorch away the smile I still have from my deed. The smile that won't go away. The smile that interrupts sessions of sorrow for what I did. The reason I can't regret it. I enjoyed it. Did I? How could I? But how couldn't I? The warmth of your blood as it touched my skin so slowly, almost gracefully. As it wrapped around my hands. The metallic smell that filled the air. The cold, damp air. Almost choking. The fading pulse under my finger tips. The tears falling from your eyes. The quiet yelps from your mouth. Then blood blanketing you. Like another layer of skin. Your eyes. Oh how your eyes pleaded for commiseration. Any type of pity towards you. But they failed. But babe, they failed. And nothing could have saved you. Not even the amount of love I had for you. Oh darling I saw the life leave your eyes. Your beautiful eyes and now you're asleep. Never to wake. Why did you say it? Why did you say you would stop loving me? Loving me; the lost soul; the corrupt daughter; your crooked sister. You promised. You promised to never leave me. To never hate me. To never stop loving me. You promised. But you lied. It was all a lie and now all you can do is haunt me. Burned into my head. Carved onto my arms. But you sure still make me smile. When I look as blood runs down my arms. Like it did on your body. How I smiled as you cried. I kissed you. Because I had some empathy. I'll never forget your face when I kissed you. It was your last breath. And then, babe, you were asleep.
