To Fight Back, To Change

Truthfully I don’t want him to know about the torment I live with, I want at least one person that I know to see me as happy. His belief of my content in life is one of the illusions I survive on. Because if he believes maybe I can too. Anyway, my thoughts are getting way too dark. I snap my book shut and hurry down the long, cold halls of my somewhat “home”.

If I’m late it won’t end up good for me.  Luckily I burst through the door just in time, but only to be full on punched in the gut with the glares my fellow were-peers send me. Their eyes practically spat at me as I tried to blend into the white walls of the pack’s meeting room. I ignore it and put on a blank face, but they can all see the forming fogginess in my eyes. Crap, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry anymore.

I was walking to my seat, praying that tonight would be easy and that it would end fast. But as a foot came out tripping me with a harsh cry, I knew it wasn’t my lucky day. I landed with a thud, smashing onto my arm as I failed to break my fall.

Marco stood over me, his eyes dancing, one of my favourite people. Note the sarcasm “What are you doing here, scum.” He hissed. My name is Alexis, but they don’t call me that.  And that person standing over me, is Marco, my brother, singing his praises to me yet again. I squealed as someone slammed their foot onto my hand, hard. Seering pain leaped up my arm.

“Bitch.” My Sister, Clara, sneered. Her heel still digging into my now probably sprained fingers “You shouldn’t be here, you’re not a member of the pack, you’re a joke!” The pack sniggered as if she had just told the greatest joke in the world.

“Alpha…says…” I managed to squeak out hoping they wouldn’t hear my voice break.  They all laughed and Clara leaned down, her sneering beautiful-as-always face almost touching mine. Her hand pressed tightly on my throat and perfectly manicured claws digging into my skin.

“Alpha says.” She mocked, her voice coming out squeaky and babyish. This was supposed to be how I sounded? I’m pretty sure I don’t sound like a balloon mixed with a mouse. I blocked in a snigger that the thought caused. Not that it would have come out anyway with Clara’s hand cutting of my lungs

“He doesn’t give a shit about you, you’re the burden of this pack. The murdering. Coward. That NO-ONE wants.” My eyes teared up both from lack of oxygen and pain from the words she was spitting into my face.

 The pressure on my throat increased as she leaned her weight onto it and raise her other clawed hand. She was going to hit me I dreaded and prepared myself for the strike when hope sounded in my ears. The footsteps of the Alpha.

 I knew the others hadn’t heard him yet, my hearing was extraordinary even for a werewolf’s.  All I need is a couple more seconds and I can end the day without a huge black bruise on my skin. I did the first thing that I could think of. I gathered the last of the saliva in my mouth and before I knew what I was doing I spat it out onto my sisters face.

The glob of spit sailed heroically before landing right in the middle of Clara’s perfect features. She yelled and fell back wiping my germs off her now contorted face. Her features screwed up in disgust making her look like a thin rat. I took the second of surprise that my actions had gave me and wrenched away from the small crowd and scrambled up.  Just in time to land in my seat before the alpha stood at the door.

He surveyed the scene for a second before roaring “WHAT IS THIS!” loud enough for all the pack members to grow rigged, including my extremely grossed out sister being supported on the floor by Ashley- the alpha’s son and my long-time crush -  hell, he yelled loud enough for the whole neighbourhood to hear.

 I sat innocently in my seat and covered my smile as Ashley murmured “Nothing, Alpha.” And dragging my sister to her seat, sat down. I knew this was only a small victory. But it was enough to make my day seem so much better.

But as the tall looming figure of the Alpha trudged to the middle of the room and his calculating blue eyes looked disappointingly at his son, who then shot a look of pure rage at me, my smile and mood plummeted.

What had I done? They were going to kill me! I groaned silently and shrunk into my seat. Fear pulsing through me as my wolf tried to comfort me. Maybe they won’t get revenge on you? She pityingly spoke. My wolf, my only friend in this pit of hell.  She had so much more strength than I had, so much more rage...wait.

It was you wasn’t it, I hissed blamingly at her, you took over and made me spit at her!

SO WHAT IF I DID! She answered. The cow deserved every bit of it! But my wolf’s anger resided as quickly as mine had as I faded into despair.

 I’m sorry she whispered quietly.  She never apologised for anything, so her saying I’m sorry shocked me. It was enough though to being me back into the real despairing world. The alpha was pacing the room which was now full with sound. Voices blended over each other. “What are we going to do?” “There’s no threat!” “We’re too powerful to be attacked.” “Yeah, we shouldn’t worry about it now!”. They must be talking about the rogues.

Alpha was all staring at them in amazement. He had probably just told them all that a serious danger was coming to them and here they were mocking his words. Saying they were too powerful to be attacked, too smart. Too stuck up I’d say. The Alpha looked directly at me, seeing as I was the only one not talking.

 “What do you think?” He asked. The room went suddenly quiet as all eyes turned on the alpha and me. My eyes widened in shock. Did he just ask my opinion? Me? I had never once spoken in pack meetings. I had always resorted to hiding in the back and staring out the window as I secretly absorbed his words. The other pack members were all thinking the same thing. Why her? The idiot? The loser?

Maybe he noticed, my wolf smiled. Noticed what? I responded.

Noticed how smart you are. She was practically jumping at me. Smart? No-one had called me that in a long time. I was always called dumb or stupid or useless, or not called anything at all! I realised I had been sitting open-mouthed like an idiot and immediately clammed shut my jaws. The alpha patiently asked the question again. “About the rogue problem, what do you think?” He continued to look directly into my eyes.

Maybe this is my moment, I thought, to show not only Alpha, but the rest of the pack how  I wasn’t such a waste of space. “I-I-,” I stopped stumbling sucked up all my courage and spoke “Sure that, um, they’re not an, uh, immediate threat but...” I gulped, I had meant it when I said I hated been the centre of attention.

Especially in front of all those who hated me. “But that kind of power, that kind of…organisation. It’s got to have a head, someone leading them all. Someone p-p-powerful enough to control them… you know?” My wolf hated the fact that I had made the last part a question, but I was too busy rejoicing in my success.

The alpha stared at me for a couple of seconds and I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. He then nodded and, as if nothing had happened, continued on with his speech. But I swear I saw a little more glint in his eyes and…maybe…even a small smile.

The pack meeting eventually ended and the members filed out.  I decided to go for a run, seeing as it was turning out to be such a good night. But I had forgotten about the reason for my earlier depression and didn’t see the small group of people follow me as I went deeper and deeper into the woods.