"The devil is real. And he's not a little red man with horns and a tail. He can be beautiful. Because he's a fallen angel, and he used to be God's favourite."
Nothing is ever the same after someone dies. Were Shane and I friends when we knew nothing about one another? Did I care for him because of how 'nice' he was to me while I was kidnapped? No matter how I try to rationalize it it still feels as if I've been hit by a truck. His body didn't fight, he didn't fight, he promised he would stay, he said he never breaks his promise.
He's a fucking liar.
Tears stung my eyes but for the life of me they wouldn't fall, they blinded me and made my throat ache, I wanted to scream at him for lying and leaving me. I wanted to hit him with all my might but his face made it difficult, he looked peaceful, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, those bastards had succeeded. I held onto his hand while the flatline continued.
I was frozen.
So when the doctors shouted for the nurse to bring in the defibrillator, I didn't move. When a nurse guided me away from the scene in front of me my eyes never left his face, his smirk still present, my heart ached and my throat burned.
When the doctor came out with a sullen look on his face and pronounced him dead I didn't move, I didn't blink and I didn't breathe, it all came falling on top of me in an instant, I wailed for my fallen friend. I clutched at my heart as I fell to the floor hard.
I was helped up and into a chair in the hallway and given some water to drink. Which I took gratefully. I was suddenly becoming annoyed by there buzzing presence. So, I left. I went back into the room to say my final goodbyes.
"Am I allowed to cry now?" I asked as my tears finally fall. I felt my anger rise.
"You're a liar! You promised! You said you never break your promises but here you are; breaking your stupid fucking promise!" I didn't what to do so I just grabbed a pillow from the next bed and hit him with it.
"I'm so sorry." I cried, letting the pillow fall from my grasp. His cheek was still warm when I hugged him, I prayed desperately for his arms to reach around and hug me back but it never happened. He had no family members to call and there was no fucking way I was going leave him here to be some test subject.
"I want him to be taken to the Gannon funeral home." It will be just me and him, I don't want anyone with their false empathy and fake tears around me, not that there is anyone to come anyway. The doctors nod their head curtly and I leave. I don't need to be around to see them taking him to some cold morgue.
"Valerie where ar-" Harry started angrily.
"He's dead Harry." I cried as I walked briskly through the crowd of Manhattan, it has to be about four in the morning what are people doing out? Then again they could ask me the same question.
"Oh, Val, baby. Where are you?"
"I just want to be alone right now." I don't want to be alone but I don't want to be with anyone either.
"Are you crazy? Its 4:30 in the morning, it's cold it's dark and I don't want anything happening to you." I understand his concern but I need time by myself, so, I hang up. I walk fast and far. I dug the heels of my palms into my eyes wiping away the tears. I eventually turned up to a large willow tree on the outskirts of an empty park.
I sat underneath that tree till the sun came up.
I felt numb all over I hadn't realized I had been crying until the salty droplets fell into the curve of my lips, I brushed them away as I walked to the nearest taxi, I told the driver where I was going and I sat back until we arrived, I paid and exited the cab. The lobby was empty with the exception of the hotel staff, I'm surprised no one has gotten wind of Harry staying here yet.
I rode up to the fifteenth floor, exited when it was time and went to the room, Harry was pacing the floor saying something I couldn't completely understand something along the lines of 'are you crazy?' and 'you could've been hurt' I wouldn't have felt it anyway.
I unzipped my boots, I took off my scarf and coat and hung them up, I walked past Harry and shimmied out of my pants in the bathroom, I stripped out of everything and turned on the shower to as hot as I could handle. I stood