Sober Words

I looked out of the window;

It was a beautiful morning,

Really couldn’t say why 

But it made me think of you:

You were my first love,

My trusted friend;

You were my almost lover,

You were more than that.

I know you loved me once --

We were too young then,

And we both tasted the salt tracks

Of our crushed illusions;

But I’ll always remember

You said I was so beautiful.

I still remember

Every smile, every touch, every kiss,

And I remember the night

You put your arm around me,

And held me for hours

In silence by the river.

You never understood the way

That I loved you, love;

You held a red diamond in your hands --

There wasn't enough beauty in it

So you threw it away.

I don’t remember the last time

That you took me seriously,

But I meant it

When I said I loved you too much.

Stripped off every layer,

Submitted before you

With something flawed but alive

Cupped in my hands,

I offered you the best and most precious things

I could find in my heart --

You closed your eyes

And you turned away.

I don’t know how we got here,

Or where we are;

I know we’ll never be the same again,

Like childhood's innocence lost forever,

And you’ll never invite me to that wedding now.

When you made us a shade

Of Samson and Delilah,

You left me with nothing

But a bone-deep ache

And memories beginning to unravel --

I meant it

When I said those words,

But did you mean it at all

When you said you loved me too?

I once thought we could have been something special;

I thought we could last forever,

Or at least something close;

But I’m sober now --

It hurts but I’m glad.

I just want to know,

Did you win more than you lost

In this game of stakes

Higher than we'd guessed?

One day, I know

Everything you gave me up to

Will come back to you,

And you’ll know just how it feels...

You know, it doesn’t matter anymore;

It still hurts more than you’ll ever know

But I think I’m happier now.