Broken Hearts and Lonely Stars:
Chapter Four: Too Dead Inside to Care
They say a broken heart is difficult to mend but how is it difficult when you could easily put up a smile on your face?
I stared at the ceiling as I laid there on my bed, the darkness of my room embracing me while I felt my heart pound steadily against my chest. My breathing coming slow ans steady, a rhythmic melody for my ears to listen and sooth my mind. Though I couldn't sleep with my ungrateful father's harsh words echoing in my mind, I made patterns on the ceiling, doing my best to fall asleep. It was two in the morning—five hours I laid awaken in bed—and sleep didn't come. As much as I begged for it to come and take me to the lands of serenity, it didn't listen to my cries.
I was a damned child in my parents' eyes. I was a disgrace to the family name. I was nothing but worthless shit to the world. There was no point to live another day. Cheated, verbally abused, unwanted, I had no purpose in life even though I kept waking up each morning, I would wish to have a peaceful death in my sleep.
Thoughts like these could easily send me to a shrink where I would refuse to tell them my problems and my thoughts. Everyone believed my smiles and embraced my laughter as if the sound was meant as my happiness while I disintegrated inside. Little by little, my heart was turning to ashes. How could a single girl turn me into a mess? How could one person be the death of my own suicidal self? As much as I would want to go off on Bridget and let her see that I'm not okay. That I force myself to smile and make others seem that my life wasn't miserable. I rolled to my side, gazing out the window at he starlit sky where I once wished on each star to take me away from my own misery.
I clenched my teeth at the sudden pain in my abdomen, hugging myself as the pain kept rolling. I tried to scream out but I didn't want to wake up Johnny nor Flor. Sweet, precious Flor. How her half blond half black hair fell over her shoulders, her forest green eyes gazing at me behind my eyelids as she reached out and hugged me, helping me through this agony.
After what seemed as an eternity, I took deep breaths, calming down my heart as beads of sweat rolled down my face as the chilling air cooled down my body. I was scared to move, afraid the pain would come again. It's been six months since I gone through this pain. Each time I felt the waves of agony, I did my best to tame my cries. As far as I know, I was controlling the beat I can.
The sound of a door opening and softly closing brought my attention as I listened to the floor quietly creaking and the clattering of nails softly scraping the wood made me slip out of bed, ignoring the dizziness as I crept out of the room and follow the quiet noises coming from the kitchen.
I leaned against the threshold, crossing my arms against my chest, smirking at the girl who cursed under her breath as she hit her forehead against the cupboard door while taking out a box of Chips Ahoy! She hopped onto the counter of the island, her back facing me as she took a bite of her cookie, moaning in the process. I balled my hands into fists as I tore away the dirty thoughts from my mind, wondering how she'll moan when I—
No! This was Johnny's sister for crying out loud! I couldn't just sleep with her as if she was just another fling. She wasn't at all. She's beautiful and just by one look, she looked like she has a heart of gold.
"Late night cravings already?" I chuckled as she squealed, leaping off the counter ans whirled around, her eyes wide as saucers.
"Rhea," she clutched her box of Chips Ahoy! to her chest, swallowing, "You startled me."